Vows (The Buildup)
by Regency
Summary: 2014 is only twelve months long, but they'll change Katie's life for the better—Ridge will see to it. What he doesn't see is that Katie will change his life, too. Begins just after Ridge & Katie's talk on NYE 2013. In progress.
1. January

Author: Regency

Title: Vows (The Buildup)

Summary: 2014 is only twelve months long, but they'll change Katie's life for the better—Ridge will see to it. What he doesn't see is that Katie will change his life, too.

Setting: Begins just after Ridge & Katie's talk on NYE 2013.

Author's Note: This story features Ridge as portrayed by Thorsten Kaye, the recast, not the original by Ronn Moss. Inspired by Kimbra's album _Vows_, the song _The Buildup_ in particular.

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters recognizable as being from _The Bold & the Beautiful._ They are the property of their actors, producers, writers, and studios, not me. No copyright infringement was intended and no money was made in the writing or distribution of this story. It was good, clean fun.

* * *

When Ridge said he'd make sure her new year was happier than the one before, Katie hadn't known what to expect. Maybe nothing. Like Brooke, Ridge was prone to making a promise one day and breaking it the next. She shouldn't have expected anything. Only something made her believe him. Despite the broken promises she'd endured these last couple of years, she believed him without hesitation. She set her heart on it.

Because in the almost thirty years they'd known one another, she didn't think Ridge had ever looked at her the way he had on New Year's Eve. In every visit since, the look had been the same. She was growing accustomed to that, too, and the warmth that settled over her like an embrace when he said hello and lingered once he'd gone.

Something in the air had changed. The New Year smelled so much sweeter than the treachery of yesterday.

**January**

That first month, Ridge stopped by her office three times a week to talk to her. He'd come between meetings and loiter until her assistant gently shooed him away. When they were still finding their way, they spoke about Brooke and Bill and _everything—oh, god, everything_—until Katie found herself crying a fourth time and he vowed not to ask her any more about the year before. After that, he asked about everyone else. About Eric and Donna and Stephanie's final days, about Pam and her secret somebody, about the neverending saga of Liam, Hope, and Steffy with its brand new twist named Wyatt. He asked after her health every time. He asked about Will and he _listened_. He sat and listened to her speak so quietly sometimes she thought she was alone. But she wasn't, not with him. She said things she never expected to be able to say, safe in the knowledge that they'd go no farther. She didn't know _why_ she trusted him after twenty years, but she trusted him.

He always hugged her goodbye before he departed, back to Forrester and Eric's, back to Brooke's insistence and his own uncertainty. He always hugged her, and she got used to it. A good day just wasn't as good without a hug from Ridge Forrester. It was a small thing he added to her life, and it was the best thing. Little by little, Katie began to feel strong enough to start giving that wonderful thing back.

**…**

A sighing Ridge dropped into the chair across from Katie. She glanced away from the memo she was drafting to see her former brother-in-law scrub a hand down his face. _He looks exhausted and fed up._ Katie was sensing a pattern.

"Don't tell me, Brooke's at it again."

"When isn't she?"

Katie saved her document and shut her laptop, clasping her hands together on the lid. She was trying not to enjoy how much Ridge confided in her, but she was only human.

"I'm not much of a therapist, but if you're going to make these Brooke-related visits a habit, I'll have to start charging by the hour."

Ridge huffed a chuckle. "I probably need my head examined anyway. I don't know what I'm doing."

"You're trying to put your family back together. You're doing what you think is right." Katie came around to sit on the edge of her desk.

"Am I? Is this the right thing to do? Because it doesn't feel like it, not anymore." Ridge slumped in his chair, glaring at the ceiling like its name was Brooke. "I shouldn't have come back. I thought I needed the closure. I needed to be sure."

Katie noted how disheveled he looked compared to his customary grace and felt the first stirrings of real concern. "What did you need to be sure about?"

"Myself. Brooke. This town. I don't think I belong here anymore. How weird is that? My own home and after a year away, I don't know where the hell I am."

"It must be a shock to hear so much has changed."

"It's a shock to hear what hasn't." Ridge pulled himself upright. "I compare what I hear to my memories and it's all the same, it's all business as usual. Just none of it is business as usual for me. I'm the one that's changed."

Katie pulled a chair over to sit next to him. "Why'd you change?"

"I woke up and realized how old I am. I'm too old for scandal and too tired for mayhem. I'm not ready to die, but I can't live like that anymore. Only that's all Brooke _wants_. She thrives on the forbidden." Ridge lowered his head to rub his eyes. "I'm just too old."

Katie took his hand. "You're not too old, Ridge. You're not too anything. You're just the way you're supposed to be."

"Nobody thinks that but you."

"Nobody thinks I'm, what was it? I think it was 'filled with strength and courage.' Nobody thinks that about me except you. Between the two of us, somebody has to be right some of the time."

He squeezed her hand. "My money's on you."

She squeezed back. "Mine's on you."

"I guess that means we can't lose."

"Not this year. This is our year."

Ridge cracked a slip of a smile. "I'm holding you to that."

"You can count on me."

He inhaled deeply and let it out, grasping her hand that little bit tighter. Underneath his natural tan, he was paler than he should have been. So pale she wanted to take his pulse and count the beats of his heart, because hers was the one that was supposed to be unreliable. She was counting on his to keep the time.

"Brooke really did a number on you today."

"Brooke…is Brooke and I should stop expecting another woman's sense of morality to dictate what she does."

"She did something unforgivable and you're trying to justify it so that you can justify forgiving her."

"I'm trying to remember why I always have."

She warned herself to be fair. "Because love is blind."

"And deaf and dumb. Love is headless. I can't live or love with my eyes closed. Only it feels like that's the only way that's left. Where did I go wrong?" He turned to her like she might have the answer. She had _an_ answer, she supposed.

"You didn't go wrong, you grew up. Everybody has to sometime." Katie backtracked. "I say 'everybody'; I obviously don't include Brooke in that." Charitable wasn't on Katie's list of virtues today. The spark of humor in Ridge's eyes hushed the voice inside her forever preaching, _forgive and forgive again._

"I don't think I do either."

Katie felt safe in the knowledge that she wasn't the only who couldn't go back. She knew Ridge wouldn't tell. That molasses comfort extended up past their linked hands to her heavy shoulders—she could have rested on his. _Leave it to him to comfort me without a word._ This camaraderie livened the hours Will didn't fill. Katie cautioned herself on relying on it when it could disappear at any moment. Gently disengaging their hands, Katie went to pour each of them a glass of mineral water.

"Bill's sniffing around your time in Paris, looking for dirt on you. If you've got any secrets you don't want Brooke to find out in the worst way possible, you may want to tell her yourself."

Ridge massaged the bridge of his nose. "It might be easier to let him dig up everything. That'd save me the trouble of telling people."

Katie was curious. "Can't be any worse than what Bill and Brooke pulled last year."

"I don't know about that. They don't seem to have much sympathy for the sick and infirmed." Katie hid her reaction as best she could. She found the thought of Ridge being sick shocking. He was strong and resilient. _But what if he couldn't be?_

"Empathy hasn't ever been Brooke's strong suit and Bill's been worse than ever since they got together. Is that what made you change? Looking your mortality in the face will—_allegedly_—make you a better man."

Ridge grunted. "So I've heard. When you can count the days of your life, it's hard to justify being a jerk."

Katie drank her water to conceal her nerves. She wouldn't know where to begin asking questions.

"You and Bill had _very_ different near-death experiences."

"So it would appear."

Ridge pull the wrinkles from his rumpled sleeves and Katie could only watch in wonder as he put himself to rights. The man who'd collapsed into her chair was receding and with him her friend. This was the heir apparent of Eric Forrester appearing, this was Stephanie's son, put together and well-made. The tiredness that downed his posture was slipped into the inside pocket of his Armani suit like a phone number on a napkin he'd dial later on. He was becoming the man he allowed other people to see and shelving the man he'd shown her. _The parts that are wounded are put away, not fit for public consumption._

He stood and stretched like it as a new day.

"Are you going to be okay?"

He smiled, putting his hands in his pockets. "I'm always okay."

Katie wanted to believe that the way she'd believed the vow he'd made her only weeks ago. But for all of Katie's newfound faith, she couldn't make it stretch quite that far.

"Would you tell me if you weren't?"

"If you'd tell me."

"Deal."

They shook on it, and Ridge drew her into one of his leaving hugs that always seemed to say more than goodbye. She held on tight, thinking of all the ways she'd come to rely on his presence. _Don't ever disappear on us again._ She couldn't say that to him yet, maybe one day…

"Take the corporate world by storm, Katie Logan," he murmured in her ear.

"I'll try."

He tucked his face into her neck and she might have held on for years had she a modicum less self-control.

"You will. I believe in you."

"I believe in you, too."

Then she let go and Ridge departed with his subtle smile and world-weariness to leave Katie to hers. Ridge had brought shades light and dark into Katie's life just by sharing it, and she found she didn't mind the contradiction, because she was sure Ridge wouldn't abandon her to face the darkness alone.


	2. February

**February**

Valentine's Day made her nauseous this year. The flowers, the pink and the red, and hearts made her own heart beat a shutter-quick tattoo in frustration. Bill had tried his ploy to slip back into her good graces. The words had been right and the gestures were more than heartfelt on the surface, but Katie hadn't lived in Brooke's shadow her entire life by being taken for a fool. Once, yes; twice, by mistake, but never a third time. Thus, it came as no surprise to her to discover her former husband chasing her sister at Forrester not long after he'd been chasing her. When she and Bill stumbled face to face, Katie said not a word. Bill had to good sense not to either. Kate was proud she didn't run to Ridge's office fast as her pumps could carry her. Seeing further evidence that her dream life was just a nightmare in the making all along didn't make a coward out of her.

Her dignity intact, Katie threw herself into one of Ridge's cushy office chairs, distracting him from his latest sketch.

Smirking at her annoyed expression, he made another broad stroke across the page. "By all means, help yourself."

"Ha," Katie replied humorlessly. "And thank you, I think I will."

Ridge flipped his sketchpad shut and tossed it aside. "Should I start building these little visits into my schedule?"

"As often as you interrupt my workday just to shoot the breeze, you're getting cranky?"

"Not cranky at all. I'm happy you feel you can visit me here. Mi oficina es su oficina."

"I'll keep that in mind the next time I need an escape." Katie toed off her pumps, immediately sighing in relief. It felt good having somewhere to go. "There's something to be said for disappearing without a trace."

"You've got a point. I've done it. It's freeing to be able to walk away from everything, to just wash your hands of the whole…situation. The downside is you gotta come back sometime."

"Sounds perfect to me and I just got back a few months ago."

Ridge rubbed his jaw. "How was that? Being away from Bill and Brooke and…everything?"

"Freeing. Peaceful. It was nice to go somewhere where I wasn't being told that the worst thing that's ever happened to me was my fault."

"You shouldn't have had to leave home to find that."

Katie smiled ruefully. "You're still the only person who thinks that. Welcome to the Twilight Zone, where everybody else is crazy or maybe it's just us."

Ridge rose to pour them each a drink of water, which Katie accepted with gratitude. He went back to his chair.

"I don't know about that. You seem pretty sane to me."

"You, too, just don't ask anybody else."

"They don't give you enough credit for knowing your own mind."

Katie wasn't up to talking about it anymore. She'd just seen Bill and Brooke and that fire of resentment still burned.

"Let's not talk about that. What's happening here? Have you found your place at Forrester yet?"

Ridge leaned back and put up his feet. 'Probably more so than my brother would like."

"Rick's been pretty prominent in your absence. He headed up the Hope for the Future launch with Caroline and it's been an enormous success by all accounts. He may be feeling a little threatened by your sudden return."

"He doesn't have a reason to be. I just want Forrester to succeed on all fronts it puts forth, not just Hope's line. That's what I'm here for, to make sure it continues to do well what it's always done best: Couture."

"Between the two of you, the company couldn't be in better hands."

"You saying that because he's your nephew or because he's married to Caroline?"

Katie wavered. Ridge waved away her answer before it was fully formed on her lips.

"Don't answer that, it wasn't a fair question." He worked the kinks out of his neck. "I know I have a lot of time to make up for. Life doesn't stop because I'm gone, work doesn't stop and people—they move on. Empty spaces get filled because they have to be. I don't mind that so much. I just want to a chance to find out where I fit, _if_ I fit."

"You do. Like you said, it'll take time. You have time."

Ridge rubbed his lower lip. "Maybe."

"Well, you have time with me and I've got a lot of vacancies in my life. No rush."

Ridge looked to her from where his gaze lingered in the distance. He rested his hand over his heart. "No rush."

Katie chose not to read too much into it. That didn't keep her from smiling at the gesture.

Ridge broke her gaze, appearing almost embarrassed. Katie sipped her water to hide how big her grin had grown. She'd never known him to be embarrassed.

"Enough of that. You came to see me for some reason. What's up?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to get out of the office and Caroline was busy. Once I checked her off, I realized there wasn't really anyplace else for me to go but home. I didn't want to go home, so here I am."

"Here you are."

"I can go if you're too busy for company." She didn't want to go.

"I don't want you to go. I like having you here. This all makes a little more sense when you're around."

"Is that why you love my office so much?"

"Nah, I gotta confess, it's you." He cocked his head in a shrug. He was smiling as much as Katie was. _We must look insane. _She didn't care. "And the view. The skyline is beautiful from the CEO's office."

"Better with two."

"Almost everything is."

Katie looked down at her bare hands, easily recalling how well Bill's ring had fit on her finger. She hadn't expected to take it off. She'd hardly had it on long at all before she was tossing it at him in disgust. The one man she'd allowed into her heart in the hopes of keeping him there had betrayed her with the woman she had naively believed would never. _More the fool me._

"I've learned to appreciate what I can on my own. There are times when you have to be alone to learn who you are when nobody else is watching. How do you know if you're always performing in order to meet someone else's expectations?"

"You don't." Ridge twiddled a pen, discomfort etched in his permanently furrowed brow. "I don't. Still don't. But I'm learning day by day."

"That's all a person can do. Embrace the journey. Most people won't ever know themselves as well people who are forced by their circumstances to redefine themselves. You'll know who you are and you'll know where you fit. You'll know where Brooke fits as well. Just do what you're always telling me to do: give yourself a break."

"A break, huh?"

Katie nodded. This was comfortable. Telling him what he'd told her was safe ground. She worried when she strayed beyond those safe places.

"Since you're talking about taking a break, I wanted to ask you something: Are you going to the Forrester Couture gala this month?"

Katie thought of all the pomp and the glamour and the hairspray and the torturous heels, and shuddered.

"Probably not. I've never been much for parties; I'm even less of a fan now. I'll probably just stay home with Will and read about it in the morning." Donna would tell her everything the tabloids had to say and more.

"You could do that or you could come with me. Dance. Mingle. Have a little fun. You deserve it."

Katie finished off her water. "Is this you trying to make my year better?"

"Ah." He shrugged. "It's one suggestion. I've got a million."

Katie set her empty glass on Ridge's desk.

"Name suggestion number two."

"You, me, RJ and Will, and a carnival."

Katie stopped herself short. "You'd do that?"

"Yeah, sure, why not? I don't see RJ enough, I don't see you enough. This way, I get everything I want and you get a break. Lay down your burdens for a few hours and eat some cotton candy. You can't lose."

He made it sound easy. Katie suppressed the eager voice of the girl she used to be who was shouting for her 'say yes already!' She hadn't been that girl in a very long time.

"What about the gala?"

"I'll go stag. It won't kill me not have to a beautiful lady on my arm. I survived a year of it. Changed my life."

"I guess that's not all it changed." Katie steeled herself. _This is just an outing with the kids. Don't make so much of it. _"The carnival idea sounds great. I want Will to have as much fun as he can at this age. Let's make it happen."

Ridge beamed, as much as he did anymore, obviously pleased she'd taken to his suggestion. "Fantastic. I know just the place. Let's say the 14th at 9:30? We can get breakfast and be there by 11. They'll be just opening; it'll be like we have the place to ourselves."

Katie's excitement grew despite the caution she favored. "You don't have somewhere you'd rather be on Valentine's Day?"

"I couldn't think of better company than you and the boys."

He wasn't alone in that. Katie couldn't think of a single place she'd rather be on that day either.

**…**

They were all together at Badgley's Fun Fair & Carnival on Valentine's Day morning. Katie and Ridge and the boys entered the fairground at 10:50 after Ridge had a word with the ticket seller. Will had babbled appropriately when Ridge mentioned it was baby's first carnival and the seller had been charmed, letting them in that little bit earlier than the families milling in behind them.

Ridge and RJ had performed their secret handshake in celebration of a scheme coming together while Katie had laughingly warned her son off using that smile of his to con the unsuspecting public. Will in all his young Spencer glory made no promises she could understand.

Ridge hoisted RJ up on his shoulders so his son could see above the stalls arranged in rows and columns over the open field. There was a Ferris wheel far to the right and spinning teacups gearing up dead ahead. There was a sprawling rollercoaster that wasn't too high, but in Katie's estimation it was high enough. There were shooting games, bean bag tosses, and bumper cars as far as the eye could see. It was all flashing lights and childhood memories come to life. Katie already loved this day.

Ridge patted RJ's leg. "All right, kid, what looks good from up there?"

"Um, I know I wanna go on the Ferris wheel, but how about the pony rides for Will?" He pointed at the temporary corral stationed on the edge of the grounds where a bunch of ponies whinnied and chomped at grass. Katie was skeptical. Ridge's answering look was the same.

"You don't think he'd like the Ferris wheel?"

"I don't want him to get scared. He doesn't like playing airplane, remember?"

"Right, he's got his mom's fear of heights."

Katie's smoothed down Will's flyaway hair. "It's a perfectly rational fear. Some of us like to keep our feet firmly on the ground."

"Yeah, but how do you fly if you never get off the grass?"

Katie busied herself with Will's coat buttons as she answered, "I suppose I don't."

Ridge bumped her shoulder, his tone growing conspiratorial beneath RJ's notice. "It's a new year. Who knows what it'll bring?"

Two months in, Katie still wasn't sure, but she was getting more curious all the time.

She eyed a nearby basketball stall, cooking up a scheme of her own. "Hey, Forrester, how's your jump shot?"

Ridge took her expression in the spirit it was intended. "You're up to something."

Katie smirked. "Just wondering if you feel like getting your butt kicked at basketball, too."

Ridge and RJ sent her identical looks of surprise. _They still doubt me, even after I kicked his butt at one sport. I'll just have to do it again._

Ridge, never one to take an ego prodding gracefully, gave in first. "All right, you're on. Do your worst."

Katie rubbed Will's back. "Remember these words, sweetie, because Uncle Ridge is about to eat them."

…

Ridge thumped onto a weather-beaten wooden bench in front of the hotdog stand where RJ was getting his order filled and Will was gumming a handful of cotton candy at his side. _This is my family_, Katie thought without allowing herself to get caught in the implications. Right now, she didn't care. This was their day.

Ridge was pouting at her side. "You couldn't take pity on an old man? The boys will never respect me after that poor showing."

Katie gave his shoulder a consoling rub. "Never ever doubt the Logan prowess. If we say we've got it, we've got it."

"Lesson learned. You ought to give a class."

Katie feigned nonchalance. "It's all in the wrist."

"You'll have to show me."

"Gladly. Get Will and RJ. I'll get change." Katie went to buy Ridge a raspberry snow cone for his wounded pride and to break her $20 bill. Ridge gathered their sons for round 2 at the basketball stall. She arrived to find them waiting for her like a class on a field trip to the museum. So different and yet every one of them here for her. Something about the three of them together soothed her heart; she wasn't ready to consider just what.

"Okay, gentlemen, it's time for you to learn the proper way to shoot a hoop." Katie handed her dollar to the stall operator and received her miniature basketballs in return. "Watch closely. You're going to do it with your whole body." Katie demonstrated, pushing upward and flicking her wrists to send the foam b-ball sailing into the novelty hoop with a swish. Then, she did it again. Twice. _Perfect Score Logan shows 'em how it's done._

"Like that." Katie turned around to find Will cuddled up against Ridge's chest dozing while RJ and Ridge looked on, impressed. She touchedher chest. Ridge would know what she meant.

"Since this was for your benefit, do you want a bunny or a duck?"

Ridge groused good-naturedly. "Duck. It's manlier."

Katie collected the duck from the stall operator and handed it to Ridge without comment**. **She didn't want any part of discussion where the masculinity of stuffed animals was up for debate. Her heart melted anyway when Ridge proceeded to hand the duck to RJ who turned right around and presented it to Will with pomp and circumstance. Katie couldn't be sure about this, but she thought her son had just found his new favorite toy.

Ridge put an arm around her shoulders. "Don't get too comfortable with your victory. There's still bumper cars."

Katie leaned into him and reached around to ruffle RJ's hair. "Hear that, boys? Now, I'm _really_ scared."

RJ laughed. He'd been Team Katie on their first b-ball match and their soccer match; he didn't seem eager to give up his winning streak. Will snuffled and grinned, not so sleepy now that they were on the move again. Katie mussed his hair, too.

"Those are fighting words." He shot her a challenging look.

"I'm up for it if you are." She shot one right back.

"You bet."

But neither of them let go of the other. This was nice. This was the new 'safe', where being in competition didn't mean standing alone.

Katie had been right on the money before. This was already the most amazing day. Apparently, this Valentine's Day wouldn't have to hurt after all. _Who knew?_


	3. March

**March**

March was marked by Brooke's intensifying efforts to have Ridge home. Katie was the unlucky recipient of her labor one sunny afternoon at her house. Adele had stepped out to give them privacy and Katie had a conference call in ten minutes. Nevertheless, Katie sat and listened.

"Ridge listens to you. Can't you talk to him for me? I know I'm asking a lot—"

Katie's knees felt like lead and she couldn't stand. She flopped into to her couch with none of her sister's preternatural grace. Katie felt like the intruder when it was her sister that was invading her home on an errand.

"You are, Brooke. You're asking _a lot_. Ridge is my friend and he's had a difficult year. We both have. He doesn't come to me for relationship advice and I don't give it to him unsolicited. If he wants to talk about what's going on between the two of you, I'm more than happy to listen. I'm just not going to advocate for you to him if that's not what he wants to hear."

"But you _will_ talk to him for me?"

_Why did I bother wasting my breath? It's not like she ever listens to me._

"If he wants to talk, I will talk to him."

Brooke clapped her hands in glee, then pulled Katie into a tight hug. Katie wanted to pack a bag and run as far away from Brooke and her sisterly hugs as she could get. _Nothing is ever worse for me than when Brooke thinks she's getting her way, because she's usually right._

After Brooke had gone, Katie retreated to Will's nursery with a pile of books from college. Will had his nursery rhymes and Katie had her poetry. It only seemed fair that for a change the tragedies she had in mind not be hers.

…

Katie had fretted her way through an otherwise pleasant lunch date with Ridge by the time she got an opportunity to plead her sister's case.

"You should think about talking to Brooke."

Ridge tapped at his phone for a long minute before setting it aside. _RJ must be texting in class again. _"I talk to Brooke every other day, almost daily. I don't think I could talk to Brooke more if we were living together."

"There's an idea to consider." _Don't do it, not even for a trial run. She won't let you go._ She was trying to be a good sister, she was.

Ridge glanced away from his next bite of lobster risotto to raise an eyebrow at her. "Where's this coming from?" Katie couldn't hold his eyes for long, choosing instead to stare at the tablecloth.

"I've just been thinking. I don't want you two to miss out on any more time together on my account." She could still feel Ridge watching her.

"You don't think you're worth a little discomfort?"

"_No comment. _ I just don't want you holding back from reuniting your family due to some misplaced loyalty to me."

"I wouldn't call it misplaced. My loyalty lies just where it should. I think I'd be the best judge of that."

Katie's face started to feel hot. Here she was making an idiot of herself for Brooke of all ungrateful people.

"What I mean is, don't be angry at Brooke just because of me. Be angry at her because she's disappointed you. Be angry because she's demonstrated astonishingly poor judgment. Don't do it because it's what you think I'd want you to do."

"Okay, Katie, I'm going to say something and I want you to take it in the most affectionate way possible."

Katie guffawed. "You don't even have to say anything, I can pretty much guess what it is. You're going to tell me to butt out."

"I wasn't going to, but now that you mention it…"

Katie threw down her napkin. "She asked me to talk to you. She _insisted_ I talk to you on her behalf."

"Brooke doesn't get to insist. _You_ are the only person in this comedy of errors who gets to make demands."

"And you, evidently."

Ridge clicked his tongue, noncommittal. "All I'm asking for is the opportunity to think for myself. I haven't asked Brooke to wait for me. I haven't made any promises; I've only asked for more time. If my timing bothers Brooke, she's free to stop waiting."

"Bill would love that."

"Of course he would. He's a horrible person."

Katie fixed him with a look. He was unapologetic.

"I know you love him—_loved_ him very much, but he's not a good person and he's not good enough for you. He proved that."

"Sure did." Katie pushed her chicken cacciatore around with her fork. She scoffed at her lost appetite. "You know, it's strange to me that you can forgive Brooke when I can't forgive Bill for doing the same thing. Not that it matters anyway, Bill is all Brooke's now. She has him eating out of her hand and she doesn't even care." Katie didn't want to care. _But this is Will's father…_

"And if she was off the market…"

"Don't." Katie got a shiver. "I can't be second choice. I can't be a consolation prize. I get nauseous just thinking about it. I'd worry everyday about coming home to them together in our bed—again. I'd think about her carrying his child, _wanting _his child and him wanting it, too. It makes me sick thinking about it, even now."

Ridge touched her fist where it clenched around her fork. "Why upset yourself with hypotheticals?"

Katie looked him strangely. "Hypothetical? I lived it, Ridge! I was there when she tried to pass her baby off as your father's to 'protect me'. I can't live through that again."

Ridge's expression went blank.

"You lost me. Take it back to the beginning. What's this about Brooke being pregnant by Bill Spencer?"

Katie sat back. "I told you. They fooled around and denied it right to my face for months. Then, she got pregnant and to keep me from finding out, she tried to seduce Eric into claiming the child for his own in exchange for her hand in marriage."

Ridge's dumbfounded expression took on a darker tinge with every word. Katie got a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"But you knew all that, right? Brooke told you all of that, didn't she? She must have."

Ridge's words came out in a jumble through his clenched jaw. "Yeah, Brooke told me everything, or so she said. Funny, she seems to have forgotten this part ever happened."

Kate read fury in his posture and flexing fists and tried to head it off. _That's what sisters do, right?_

"Maybe she forgot."

"What happened to the baby, Katie?"

"She miscarried. It was hard…for Brooke." Not as hard as it had been for Katie to discover the closely-held secret. Everything from then on had been hard.

Ridge declined to comment, ticking his head sideways in acknowledgement.

"She didn't mention _any_ of it?"

"None. Just the affair. She said they got caught in their feelings and got carried away." Ridge laced his fingers together. "What else did she leave out?"

"I'm not sure I should say."

"You didn't mention it either, not at first."

"Not my happiest memories. I thought you knew and understood that it hurt too much to think about."

"I understand now. I won't ask about any of it again, but, Katie, if I'm supposed to marry Brooke, I need to know exactly the kind of woman I'm marrying."

"You know her, Ridge. She's Brooke. She never means any harm and she's always _so sorry_ for the hurt she's caused."

"Like a pet that isn't house-trained."

"You don't want me to comment on that; it's my carpet she peed all over."

Ridge grunted, swallowing his surprised snort.

"She tends to do that when left unsupervised."

"That would be funny if she was Will's age, but she isn't. When does Brooke finally get held accountable for _being Brooke?_ When does 'being Brooke' stop being a valid excuse for hurting everyone in her path?"

Ridge grabbed Katie's hand. "Today. It stops being enough today and I'll tell her that."

"You don't have to do that for me."

"I don't do anything I don't want to do on some level. I was hoping to try again with Brooke because she promised not to lie to me anymore. She said between us would be the truth and nothing but, only to prove that she's incapable of being a woman of her word. I can't go on like that anymore. I'm not the man who'd coo, 'Oh Logan,' and carry on like it was business as usual. That man is gone and good riddance."

"What are you planning to say to her?"

Ridge looked at the skyline for a beat, then he got and took out his wallet. "Take my card. Pay for lunch. Go shopping. Go to a spa. Get a massage. I thought I was making it up to you, but I severely underestimated the extent of the damage she caused. I'll be making this right for years. Shouldn't be like that."

Katie pushed Ridge's black AmEx back toward him. "I can pay my own way and lunch is on me. You don't have to take care of me."

Ridge caught her wrist as she went to pull it back. "I want to. You deserve that." After a moment of hesitation, Ridge leaned down and kissed her cheek. "See you later."

Kate was still reeling from the tickle of his 5 o'clock shadow against her skin and didn't reply.

This wasn't the first time Ridge had referenced making amends. He was forever apologizing for Brooke being Brooke like he'd led her to Bill and shoved them together any more than Katie at her worst off had been guilty of spurring on their affair.

Katie wasn't sure what had gone on in Paris, but she was beginning to think that she wasn't the only one left damaged after the past couple of years.

**…**

An hour later, Katie stormed out of Brooke's house angrier and more confused than she'd entered. She wasn't sure why she bothered talking to Brooke when the two of them lived on different planets when it came to decency. Katie had dabbled in her sister's world and never forgiven herself for how she'd hurt Bridget. Brooke had taken her own betrayals and perfected her technique. _It's like I don't know her, only I do. She's always been this way._ Katie knew she had only herself to blame for not foreseeing that Brooke would lay waste to Katie's family. _Why wouldn't she? Blood never meant anything to Brooke before now. What was supposed to make me the exception?_

Katie was so wrapped up in her hurt, she wasn't watching where she was going. She knew this path from Brooke's door backwards and forwards, only she forgot to account for unexpected pedestrians.

She collided face first with another person on the path to the driveway and it was only their quick reflexes that saved her from hitting the ground.

"Oh, boy."

"You can say that again."

Katie recognized that voice and felt twice as foolish. "Ridge. Uh, hi?"

His mouth twitched in greeting. "Hey. Where're you off to in such a hurry?"

Katie cleared her throat and stepped back to wipe her face. "Just to my car. I have a meeting and then I need to make dinner for Will."

"You look…you don't look good. You shouldn't be driving in that condition."

"I'm okay. Just something Brooke said."

"It's always something. Come on, let me take you somewhere."

Katie was just drained enough not to argue with him. She was as far from fine as she'd been in months. She couldn't bear for anybody else to see her like this.

Ridge drove her to their destination the long way. They followed the winding roads with a view of the ocean. They rode with the windows down and breathed the ocean-city air. _Seaweed and sand, I can smell it from here._ Katie propped her head against the headrest and tried to be okay.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere I like to go to think. It's got a view of the ocean and city. You don't mind, do you?"

"No. I'd love to see it." Ridge was mysterious in so many ways Katie couldn't resist the chance to understand the man he'd become a little better.

They drove past Eric's place and past Katie's own till the found where the asphalt met the sand on a rocky mountain road. They turned off onto a dead end that opened into _everything._ Katie saw birds traveling in flapping V's across the multi-colored sky, and some diving into the surf in search of meal. She was surfers and beachgoers and could hear children laughing from where they sat. Shining buildings rose behind the beach, roads hugging the coast whilst vehicles sped past. It was everything and from here, it felt like that everything was all theirs.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

"Beautiful is the perfect word for it."

"Come on, it's better from outside." Ridge got out of the car and came around to open the door for her. Katie wasn't dressed for this, but she let him lead and hopped onto the hood of the car when he agreed to help her up.

They sat quietly together to watch Los Angeles heave and swim.

"This must be a great place to think."

"Yeah. Sometimes when I can't get my head on straight and I need a hit of inspiration, I come here. I look at these people and the water. Something usually jumps out at me. I thought it might do you some good."

"It's helping."

Ridge brushed his shoulder against hers. "Not that the company's anything to sneeze at."

"Not too shabby."

They leaned together and enjoyed the sun.

Katie would have enjoyed it for longer, if only she could stop thinking of something Broke had said.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"You needed someplace to cool down. This seemed as good a place as anywhere."

She pulled at her collar, her neck hot.

"But why you? Why not Eric or Liam or, god, anyone?"

"Because I was there? I don't know, Katie. Because I care about you and how you're feeling. I want to look out for you. Some of this is my fault; it's the least I can do."

Katie sighed. "That's what I was afraid of. It's guilt, Ridge. Guilt! It will fade. You don't have to keep seeing me or looking after me to assuage your conscience." She took a shaky breath. "Don't use me to punish Brooke. It's not noble just because you're on my side. It's still a lie."

Ridge draped his arms over his knees bewildered. "Why would I—no let me try again. I do feel guilty about how Brooke has treated you. I do feel guilty about _everything_ Brooke has done since I left her on our honeymoon. That is true. I want to make it up to you, to my father, to everyone hurt by her actions, but that's not my job and I know that. It took me a few weeks to wrap my head around this fact, but I've known it for a while. This isn't guilt, Katie. This is me, being with you because being anywhere else doesn't make sense."

"I don't believe you."

"And I don't expect you to. That's why I didn't say anything. I lost my 'destiny' and gained a friend. What business do I have asking for more than that when I _caused_ all this?"

"_Brooke_ caused all this. _Bill _caused it. They made this mess together. It's time you and I stopped blaming ourselves for it."

"That's the first time you've claimed it. That's your affirmation. Let it set you free."

Katie rolled her eyes. _This is Ridge Forrester? _"You sound like a self-help book."

"Spend as much time soul searching as I have and you'll be able to spout off the latest in quasi-philosophical, new age, existential garbage as well as I can."

"What changed you? You still haven't said."

Ridge faltered on answering, tipped his head in a nonverbal _pass._

"I don't remember you being this secretive before."

"Not unless I had a secret. Guess I've got another one."

Katie snuggled into her blazer, catching a sudden chill off the water. "That's not very reassuring. I've seen what secrets can do. Dangerous stuff."

"You're right. I guess I ought to confess."

"Nobody here but us outcasts." She raised a shoulder in welcoming. "Tell it."

"That easy?"

"As easy as walking away from the love of your life."

"So, not easy?"

"Not easy."

He turned over her hand to trace her life line. Katie ignored the resulting shivers up and down her spine and called it an effect of the ocean breeze.

"_Because I could not stop for Death,  
He kindly stopped for me;  
The carriage held but just ourselves  
And Immortality_."

"Emily Dickinson. I didn't peg you as a fan."

"Some days more than others. All kinds of poetry, really. Cummings, Marvell, Shakespeare, Dickinson and Donne. Shelley when I wonder at the wonder of love, and the vastness of it."

Katie leaned closer. "I love Shelley. What's your favorite of his?"

"You're not kidding?"

"No! Why would I?"

"It never occurred to me you might be into this sort of thing."

"When I was in high school, I wiled away all of my free time reading poetry. Love poems and epic romances. I could have recited any sonnet you could name by Shakespeare when I was fifteen. I would have died if anybody'd recited one to me. Guess it's a good thing I never had to worry about that with Brooke and Donna around."

"A lot of boys don't even know how they missed out."

Katie didn't like to talk about that lonely girl. She wasn't real anymore.

"You didn't answer my question. What's your favorite Shelley?"

"The best of them." Ridge scratched at his stubbled jaw. "Let's see if I can remember it." He began and Katie's breath caught:

_"The fountains mingle with the river  
And the rivers with the Ocean…"_

She picked up where he paused:

_"The winds of Heaven mix for ever  
With a sweet emotion…"_

He looked at her quizzically. "You like that one?"

"It's my favorite one of Shelley's poems. I've got an entire book of his work, but that one…I could quote it in my sleep."

He turned to her and carried on where she'd stopped.

_"__Nothing in the world is single;__  
All things by a law divine…__"_

She continued:

_"__In one spirit meet and mingle.__  
Why not I with thine?__"_

Why was she smiling at him? She couldn't have named a single reason why, and yet there were multitudes poised on the tip of her tongue. These words were on his:

_"See the mountains kiss high Heaven  
And the waves clasp one another…"_

But Ridge was smiling back at her and that had to mean something.

_"No sister-flower would be forgiven  
If it disdained its brother…"_

She twisted her wrist to clasp his hand. He returned the embrace.

_"And the sunlight clasps the earth  
And the moonbeams kiss the sea:"_

She plumbed the depths of her adolescence just to recall:

_"What is all this sweet work worth  
If thou kiss not me?"_

They sat for a moment in quiet appreciation of Shelley's verse. _I thought I'd only love that way once. I may never again, but it's something to know it exists._

Katie exhaled and made to let go of Ridge's hand. Ridge didn't seem to realize he'd been holding on.

"Ridge Forrester, when did you become a poet?"

He folded his hands together between his knees, shoulders rising in wary shrug.

"When I earned the sorrow."

"It's just, you never struck me as…" Katie stopped, unsure where she'd been going with that statement and sure she shouldn't finish it either way.

"I've never been much of a deep thinker, but I had the time, more than enough of it, and the inclination. I bought some books, walked some beaches. I went in search of peace in other people's words. I thought they must have it all figured out if I could just find the right verse."

"Did it work?"

"Seeking yourself in other people doesn't usually work. There's solidarity in common…I don't know the word for it. Pain, I suppose. Disillusionment. Exhaustion, maybe. That works for some people; not for me."

"And yet you've been here all this time, empathizing with me."

"When I'm with you, it's not my pain I'm thinking about. I can't put a patch on whatever's ailing me. But if I can be some kind of salve on your wounds, I figure maybe it'll help. Does it help?"

"Having your friendship and your company has been an immense help. I didn't realize how lonely I was until I wasn't anymore and I have you to thank for that."

"You welcomed me home. You're the first person that's felt right since I got here. That's big."

"It feels big." Suddenly sure of herself, Katie slid across the hood until she was close enough to rest her head on his shoulder. "Welcome home, Ridge."

Ridge squeezed her knee and wrapped his arm around her like he did every day.

"Thanks for having me back."

He kissed her hair and told the truth:

"I'm with you because I want to be. That's it. There's destiny and then there's what you choose. I choose this."

She knew this, whatever _this_ was, couldn't be that simple. _Brooke won't let it be that simple. _Nevertheless, whatever it was, Katie was choosing it, too.

Just like that.


	4. April

**April**

Katie stopped advocating for Brooke in April. Not simply because Ridge asked her to let him make up his own mind, but because she no longer believed that wishing her friend and her sister back together was the best thing for them. _Brooke hasn't changed. Ridge has. He needs more than she can provide and what she wants he can't give her._ Ridge had grokked their incompatibility right off whereas Brooke still clung to the belief that their love affair could be salvaged. Katie had every intention of keeping her distance from the monsoon sure to begin swirling between her sister and former brother-in-law. _I'm out of the matchmaking game._

On one hand, she wasn't emotionally in a place where she could send them off together. _Not that Ridge would go if I told him. He'd quit taking my phone calls._ A very real vindictive part of her _burned_ at the idea of aiding Brooke in attaining her happily ever after Brooke had had a vital role in the breakdown of Katie's.

At the same time, Katie was forced to admit she no longer trusted her own motives. She had felt a shift in her and Ridge's friendship in recent weeks. His remark about destiny had served as the turning point. _"There's destiny and then there's what you choose."_ How was she supposed to take that?

_Ridge couldn't be developing feelings for me. We're friends. I've been his sister-in-law since I was a girl. It would be…it wouldn't be us._

Katie had put the words out of her mind countless times; over and over, they'd come springing back, demanding clarification. _What did he mean? Do I want him to mean...?_ She was preoccupied with the wherefores of this gradual transformation. Ridge hadn't made a move to change their relationship beyond the intimate conversation and soulful embraces that had defined it since the New Year had arisen. _He cares about me, he chose me. _No further answers appeared to be forthcoming. For the time being that knowledge would have to be knowledge enough.

**…**

Katie sneezed into the crook over her arm and just about toppled out of her office chair. _Okay, this one has to go._ It was only her flailing grab at the desk that saved her a nasty concussion and one more blow to her sorely wounded pride. _I can't be sick. I don't have time to be sick._

Adele offered Katie a Kleenex from the box on the corner of her desk. "You sure you don't want to head home? I can cancel the rest of your meetings for the day."

"These meetings have been on the books for weeks." Katie took the tissue to blow her nose, feeling every year of her life in her bones and lungs. _I hate everything. Can't it be Saturday already?_ But no, it was only Wednesday.

"It's not the end of the world if you don't go. Mr. Spencer would be happy to cover for you."

"Liam is not the CEO, though the board is probably going to wish he was if I start skipping conference calls." Katie'd head swam as she tried to set her chair to rights. The lights were suddenly too bright and her joints began to throb. _Just great._

"You've missed three meetings out of dozens you've attended since stepping up as CEO. I wouldn't steer you wrong."

_Someone I can actually believe. _"That's the most comforting thing I've heard all week."

Adele smiled. "No meetings?"

Katie threw up her hands—and nearly fell a second time. "All right, no meetings. Call Liam and have him sit in. Would you sit in with him and prepare a summary of the minutes for me? I'm sure he'll relay everything to me, but I'd feel a lot better knowing you were there to cover all the bases."

"Happy to do it." As a full on sneezing jag hit Katie, Adele handed her the entire box. "You want me to call Donna to pick Will up from daycare?"

"Adele, you're a lifesaver."

"Remember me at Christmas."

"And your birthday. Trust me, you've more than earned your bonuses."

"Anything for you, boss."

…

_Bzzzzzzt!_

Katie grunted.

_Bzzzzzt!_

She whimpered.

_Bzzzzzzt!_

She prised open one red-rimmed eye in unadulterated disgust. _Can't I be sick in peace?_

Katie unfurled herself from her down duvet cocoon to claw for her vibrating phone_. _The buzzing was aggravating the pressure in her head._ This day couldn't get any worse. Don't be Bill, don't be Brooke, don't be Liam. Don't even be Donna._

She blew her nose on a wad of tissues she'd been clutching in her other hand for the past forty-five minutes. _Where is the box? _She found it empty, overturned off the side of the bed. _How?_ She didn't have the presence of mind to give it deep consideration.

Her fingers slipped on the touchscreen. _Not today, damn it. _Were it not for Ridge's face on the screen, she'd be ignoring the call to hibernate until the worst of her illness had passed.

She answered, sniffling, "Vat?" _Congestion. Wonderful._

"I hear you're nursing the plague over there," Ridge said in lieu of a greeting.

"That would explain my generally corpse-like appearance." Katie burrowed under her covers with his voice on speaker.

"How would you like some company? I could order soup and bring it over. We could watch some movies."

Company sounded hellish. Katie was an introvert at the best of times and a hermit at the worst. She wanted to lick her pathetic wounds and recuperate without an audience. _Ridge Forrester the playboy and me with a blotchy face only a mother could love._ Katie missed being babied on sick days.

"You can't come over, you'd get sick."

"I don't know about that. I've got a pretty strong constitution."

"You'd make everyone at Forrester sick, too. As it is, this bug is doing a number on the staff at Spencer. Half the office is out and even more are walking around like zombies with a head cold. Productivity is nil this week."

"Next week will be better."

Katie felt a miniscule smile take up residence on her face. "You'll see to it?"

"I'm not _that_ good, but I know a thing or two about the common cold. It'll wear itself out soon enough. What about Will? You need me to pick him up?"

"Donna got him from daycare after I went home for the day. I didn't want to risk him catching what I've got. It could be dangerous at his age. She'll keep him until I'm up and around again, which I'm hoping to be by Saturday."

"Don't push it. Give yourself enough time to recover or you'll be right back where you started on Sunday."

"I hate it when you're the voice of reason."

"Since it rarely happens, you won't have to get used to it. I'm bringing soup: beef or chicken?"

If she had to have company, she could envision worse. "Vegetarian."

"Done. I'll see you in a few."

"Ridge, you don't have to stay with me. I'll be miserable company feeling like this."

"I want to. I didn't get my daily dose of Katie. You're a hard habit to break."

Contrary to chills wracking her body, Katie was warmed. She wiped her nose.

"I'll leave the door unlocked."

"I hate it when you do that."

"If you're so worried, you'd better hurry over—and bring Kleenex, all the boxes you can get your hands on."

He hummed, obviously entertained by her grievous suffering. _Devious bastard. _"I will. See you soon."

"See ya."

**…**

Katie delayed crawling out of her sickbed for as long as she possibly could. When the smell of steamed veggies and herbs wafted into her burrow, she poked out her head to listen. Down below she heard familiar footsteps padding to and fro on the ground floor of the house.

"Honey, you want me to come up there?"

Her throat made a hash of her reply. _So much for shouting._

Katie trundled downstairs bundled up in her comforter to find Ridge setting out bags of Styrofoam takeout containers and plastic utensils in front of the TV.

"Not very green of me, but I didn't figure either of us'd be up to doing the dishes. Vegetarian soup for you, étouffée for me."

"You're torturing me." Katie's mouth watered at the smell of his food even as her stomach pitched a fit. _Self-control. Keep it together._

"When you're feeling like your old self, I'll take you out to this place the couture staff recommended. They make the best Cajun cuisine this side of the Louisiana-Texas border."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I don't do that anymore. Come over here and sit down before you faint."

Katie relocated to the sofa, mummifying herself in yards of down till only her head and hands were visible.

"Got your tissue." He sat a box in arm's reach. "I also picked up some cough medicine. Wasn't sure if you're allowed the OTC stuff, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to bring."

"You thought of everything." Katie pushed the remote in his direction. "Pull up a patch of couch. I'm not moving."

"You're letting me control the remote?"

"Don't let it go to your head. I can't focus on the buttons."

"Okay, it's your pick."

Ridge filled the space beside her nicely, if closer than she would have expected him to sit of his own volition. He cut on the television and switched to the cable guide to scroll through the available features.

Katie swept her hair back from her sweaty face. "Where's RJ? I thought you told me he was back from Ojai for a long weekend."

"Brooke has him. I had dinner with Dad, but when Donna showed, I started to feel like I was intruding."

"Eric & Donna, take three? I think it's three." Her sister was convinced Eric was the one who got away.

"It'd be nice if it worked out." Ridge flipped through Just Released previews and let them play through on mute. "I'm at loose end when my kid's not with me. How pathetic is that?"

Katie wiped her sensitive nose. "Will knows more of my innermost fears than anybody my own age. He doesn't judge me. There are times when the unconditional love of a child is the only truly _genuine_ emotion in the world. It's healing." Katie took her bowl of soup and tucked in. She purred in satisfaction. _If I weren't sick I could kiss him for bringing me this._ She could eat an entire pot.

Ridge made a like meal of his étouffé, crossing his legs to situate the bowl. Katie vowed to steal the rest from him if he didn't finish the lot.

"Wise words. True ones. RJ was a good distraction once I had him with me. Helped me to see the world sans inhibition. He's not jaded the way I am—I wasn't aware of how ugly it had gotten in my head till he pointed out the good I wasn't able to see. The bitterness…doesn't bear mentioning."

"Bitterness, my old friend."

"We're not going to be bitter. We've got too much to be thankful for. You're mother to a beautiful boy, a respected CEO, and you have your health. I've got my children and Forrester and a friend in you. Bitterness can take a hike."

"That's easier said than done. I've gotten attached to that anger. How do you let go of it when it's become a sustaining force?" Katie didn't want to see what he thought of what she was saying. She watched the trailer of another sequel to a movie she hadn't seen in the first place flash past, idly spinning her spoon in hand. "Being angry is an addiction. If I just stay angry I won't have a chance to be depressed. The regret can't catch up to me if hold onto that anger to get me through the day. What comes after that?"

Ridge stretched his legs to rest on her coffee table.

"Nobody kicks an addiction cold turkey. You kick it in stages, you wean yourself from needing it all the time to some of the time, to as little possible, to none. Swap out the fury, replace it. Face it and let it go. Good stuff will come to fill up the empty places. Take love. Love can be a remedy."

"Love did all the damage. How can it begin to fix it?"

Ridge looked at her askance, understanding etched on his features. "Love's funny like that."

"I guess it is." She rolled her neck, feeling heat creeping upward and not knowing whether that was fever or a flush. These deep talks were exhausting, more so when her emotional reserves were down to the dregs. Katie was bone tired. _It's beginning to show._

"Go ahead, lean on me. Take the strain off your back." Ridge raised his arm in invitation.

_Sure, it's been that kind of day. _She set aside her soup to make the most of the carte blanche she had in his personal bubble and migrated, cover and all, to under his arm. Physical boundaries were of little consequence as it was; still, it was nice to have someone to lean on again.

Having known him all this time, it shouldn't have come as a surprise that Ridge was more strapping than he looked. He'd gained some weight; she hadn't suspected how much of it was muscle. She poked his shoulder till he batted her hand.

"I told you, I'm built like an ox."

Katie looked him over.

"It's a metaphor."

She smiled to herself. "Sure it is."

"Keep that up, I'll take my soup and go home."

"Who'd watch Vanilla Sky with me if you weren't here?"

He began to look pained.

"Vanilla…Sky?"

"You said it was my pick."

"Can't we watch something else? Anything else? A silent film, maybe. Die Hard?"

Katie would not be moved. "Which one of us is sick here?"

"If I have to watch that crap, we both might be."

"My TV, my rules."

"If I wasn't so crazy about you, I'd be out of here."

Katie's borrowed heart flipped.

"I'll keep that in mind."

They watched the movie. Ridge nodded off around twenty minutes in. Katie's meds had her out like a light by twenty-five. When she woke up swaddled in covers with Ridge's arms still around her, she didn't protest. She hadn't slept this comfortably in months.

The nighttime news was playing and the food was put away. There wasn't any mess. _This is what a clean slate feels like. I could have this. _Katie wiggled her toes and settled back to sleep. Sadness was no longer her sole loyal companion. Ridge Forrester was a contender.

**…**

Katie rose late the next morning feeling so-so. Her congestion lingered, but the coughing and sneezing were abated. A cardigan smothered the tremors from her frame. Memories lightened her mood.

She'd woken on her own to a silent living room where a low flame burned in the fireplace. The TV was off, the lights dimmed to a mere haze. She kicked off her comforter to allay her sweltering discontent. She found a note on yellow legal paper on the coffee table:

_Had a great time. _

_Gone to FC._

_Get well. Miss you._

_Ridge_

Katie had mulled over those words throughout her day and not come to any solid conclusions. _He misses me. How could he miss me already?_ Ridge remained a mystery to the woman in whom he confided the most. _What are you hiding?_

By evening Katie felt fine. She put out the trash and disinfected the house, taking special care to wash Will's soft toys. Bill used to call her anal for being so particular about cleanliness where Will was concerned. He used to say, "Kids are resilient. Don't worry so much." _Well, he has three sons. I only have one. I will not lose my son to a childhood illness._ She accepted her paranoia.

Katie spent the rest of Thursday and much of Friday fighting off the last of her symptoms and reviewing Liam and Adele's reports on the meetings she'd missed Wednesday. Facetime videos from Donna kept her spirits up. Disgruntled texts from Ridge in meetings he didn't care to be at lifted them higher after she had Will home.

To: Katie

_I know more about Hope's love life than I wanted to._

To: Ridge

_Not a family reunion w/o TMI._

To: Katie

_A cowl neckline on a bathing suit? Where did they get these interns?_

To: Ridge

_Design snob._

To: Katie

_Not snobbery. The voice of experience._

To: Ridge

_Snob._

To: Katie

_See if I bring you soup again._

To: Ridge

_I'm back at fighting strength. I don't need it._

Katie's ringtone sounded a minute later.

"I thought you were in a meeting."

"I'm the boss in this department. The meeting's adjourned when I say it is."

"Somebody's drunk with power."

She heard a door shut, which she presumed was to his office.

"More like afraid for the future of fashion design. Where did these kids study? Who were their mentors? I want names. Somebody's gotta be held accountable."

"Snob."

"Not getting into that again. Anyway, you're all better now. What's the plan?"

Katie watched Will re-familiarize himself with his play area.

"I'm going to spend some quality time with Will. I've grown accustomed to it being the two of us—and he has, too. I don't want to disrupt his routine any more than I have already."

"Will's fortunate to have you."

"The same for you and RJ."

"Ah, I do all right. Okay, I've got a meeting to prepare for. Talk to you soon."

"Be gentle with them. They're just kids, they're not as good as you yet."

"No excuse," he rumbled, teasing.

"Bye."

"Later."

Katie tossed her phone on the couch and got up to rejoin her son on the floor.

"How's my big boy?" Will waved a toy block. "Did you have fun with Aunt Donna? I bet you had fun." She handed him a second block. He stacked it haphazardly on top of the first. "I'm glad you're back. I missed you. Me and Uncle Ridge watched a movie and ate cookies and that was fun, but it wasn't the same when you weren't here." She stroked Will's cheek. "He sends his love."

"Mommy's got a little problem, Will. Aunt Brooke would say Mommy has a lot of problems-you'll hear her say that. Don't mind her. I don't."

Katie twisted her diamond ring.

"Mommy's made a friend and she has feelings for her friend that aren't very friendly. You'd think Mommy would learn. She never does."

Will stood and toddled over to hand her his trusty duck.

She took his beloved stuffed mallard and hugged it to her chest.

"Is this for me? Oh, thank you. I'll love him and take care of him."

Will came right back to repossess his duck pal.

"You're breaking my heart, honey. I loved that duck."

Will went to resume his play, stacking his blocks with one hand whilst stroking his duck with the other. He babbled to it in half-intelligible contentment all the while.

"That's what worries me. He could give me everything and take it back anytime."

**…**

Monday was Katie's first full day back at the office. She felt good. Ridge had surprised her with a delivery of the étouffée she'd been coveting the night he came to visit. _He's spoiling me. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was wooing me._ Bill had been the last one to lavish her with this level of attention. She shook her head and let the thought float away. _I can't be getting sidetracked by fantasies. They're fantasies for a reason._

"Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?"

Katie spun around to see Brooke standing in front of her desk. Adele was at the door, her face apologetic. _Storming past my assistant, Brooke? Have phones become passé in the last five minutes?_

"You came here to talk to me. At least tell me what we're talking about."

"You and Ridge."

"Me and Ridge? There is no me and Ridge." Whatever thoughts might percolate in Katie's mind at odd moments.

"That's not what the tabloids think."

Brooke tossed a full-color magazine onto her desk. It was bent back to a page in the middle.

_'Forrester Playboy & Logan CEO Canoodle In Secrecy' _headlined pictures of Katie and Ridge on their many outings in L.A. The carnival with their sons and various meals at Café Russe. A walk in the park where they'd happened to meet. There was even a snapshot of her in his car that day at Brooke's. _We've been watched for weeks._ Nonetheless, Katie could say with complete honesty that the gossip rag had gotten it all wrong.

"The tabloids are garbage by definition. The stories they make up are more interesting than my life has been in months."

"I just want you to think about RJ and Will, and even what Bill would think."

"This is you overstepping. You have a hell of a lot of nerve defending my ex-husband's feelings to me."

Brooke stood on her on her honor, shoulders thrown back and head held high. _Doesn't she always?_

"I'm saying this because nobody else is willing to."

"But what are you saying, Brooke? Are you saying I should be on the lookout for Ridge's nefarious intentions?"

"He has been known to manipulate other women to get back at me. This is in his wheelhouse."

"Okay, sure it is. I know this story. I've lived it with you. This isn't like that. The worst Ridge has done to me is bring me soup when I'm sick. He took me and the boys to the carnival for Valentine's Day—scary, right? How about the way he holds me when I get upset? He makes me feel like crying doesn't make me a weak person. Me? Can you imagine that? And you're saying I shouldn't trust him."

"Tread carefully. You don't want to get in the middle of this."

"I've done nothing but take care. Don't pretend this is anything but an attempt on your part to keep something that _isn't_ happening from happening. There is no me and Ridge."

She'd thought for a moment, there might be, but nothing had come of it. Evidently, nothing would on Brooke's watch.

"Not if you're careful."

"Why should I be?"

"Because you're not me."

"And you will never let me forget it. No matter what I do or what I accomplish or who loves me, I am always a distant third to you and to Donna. Thank you for reminding me."

"I'm trying to do what a good sister would do and protect you."

"Sure, that sounds exactly like you. It's purely coincidental that the 'sisterly' thing to do is to protect your territory."

"You're jealous of what Ridge and I have. It's obvious. You've always been jealous of me. You're using this chance to take your revenge on me. Bravo, Katie. You wear the deceit better than I anticipated. Isn't that what you wanted to hear? You've won."

Katie stared up at her sister, incredulous.

"Are you insane? I haven't won. I haven't competed against you. When Ridge is with me, that's where Ridge is choosing to be. When Ridge is with me and our sons, that is where he has chosen to be. I have never ransomed RJ's presence or Will's to get Ridge's attention—I don't have that power, Brooke. He has no more loyalty to me than he might have for Hope or Rick. Our bond was through you first. Everything after that has been a _choice_ and it's one we both made. To be friends. To support each other. To build a support system so our sons can always feel safe and secure. If anything, I did what you should have been doing while you were flaunting your wares at my best, _best_ friend and making eyes at my husband after you swore you were through with him."

Katie hadn't meant to go on for so long. _Not anymore. I'm done with this._ Katie pursed her lips and sat down on realizing she'd jumped up in her anger. _No more._

Brooke, who looked horribly offended, scoffed. "You'll get hurt."

Katie pinched the bridge of her nose, deflated.

"And I'm sure you'll be there to offer your sympathy. It will sound like gloating because it always sounds like gloating, but you'll be there, because that's what sisters do, isn't it? I don't need your warnings, Brooke. I've had enough experience to last me a lifetime."

"Revenge isn't you, Katie. Revenge is me. You're thoughtful and conscientious; you do the right thing. This is me, not you."

"I know and that's why nothing is happening despite the fact it could be. I'm just not you." Katie handed the magazine back to Brooke. She wanted it out of sight and out of mind, along with her sister. "I have work to do."

"I'll leave you to it."

Katie waited for her go.

"Please think about what I said."

Katie clamped her jaw shut.

_How can I think of anything else?_

* * *

Author's Note: Hey, IslandGirl. Thanks so much for the reviews. I wish I could write you back, but I can't since you're not registered. Thanks for sticking with the story. That goes for everyone reading. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and enjoy the rest.


	5. May, Pt I

**May, Part I**

Ridge and Katie didn't fall in love in May, but that was when everything changed.

**…**

"RJ's coming home for summer," Ridge announced over soft pretzels in Pan-Pacific Park.

Kate frowned amid downing another bite. "Already? Last time I checked, it was January and you were just packing him off to Ojai."

Ridge groused, "I didn't want him up there in the first place, but Brooke makes all of RJ's schooling decisions and he was so excited to go, I didn't wanna make waves. None of that matters now, because he's coming home and, if I have my way, he's not going back."

"Well, if I get a vote, I think it's great he'll be home full-time. Will misses him."

"Will misses the presents."

"Will misses his big cousin and his uncle."

Ridge shrugged. "He's still got me." Done, Ridge discarded his pretzel wrapper and wiped his hands on a handkerchief.

"And he's very lucky to have you, but you don't fit as easily into the blanket fort."

Seeing Katie was finished, he did away with her trash, too, and gave his handkerchief for her to use.

"There's a simple solution to that: we'll have to build 'em bigger."

"If they get any bigger they're going to dominate the ground floor."

"Maybe we can get you to come inside if it gets big enough."

There wasn't a chance in hell. "Not until you take down the 'Boys Only' sign."

"You're the exception." He made a play for her hand and they walked with theirs swinging, joined, between them. The strength of his fingers entwined with hers made her fingers feel stronger, made her feel altogether mighty in his presence. _'Love can be a remedy,'_ he'd said.

"Uh uh. Make it co-ed or it's no go. I like my hangouts equal opportunity."

"I'll warn RJ. You're going to be trouble."

"Changing the world, one nine-year-old at a time."

"And one old man at a time. You've changed me, too."

To Katie, Ridge had grown gracefully into his age. It had left him rugged, and solemn to first glances; a treasure trove of impressions to seconds and thirds. Katie lived for hidden depths.

"You're not old. You're as young as you look."

"I'm not sure how to take that."

"Take it in whatever sense ye feel it."

"You can't dazzle me with verse, little Logan. I know your tricks."

"I've got nothing on you." She let herself be tucked close to his side.

"That's what's got me worried. You're sneakier than you get credit for."

"You got it. Don't underestimate me."

"I haven't since you handed me my ass at soccer. You've still got moves I haven't seen. You'll have to teach me the rest."

Katie hooked her thumb in his belt loop to give herself something to hold onto.

"A girl's gotta keep some mystery about her."

"Just some? Katie Logan, you're all mystery."

"Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment."

"Coming from me, you'll get nothing less."

They walked to the stone bleachers to watch a three-piece band perform on the round.

"Forrester's having another gala."

"Do you people do anything besides throw parties?"

"Not often. Occasionally, we work. There are more orgies in the steam room than we admit, but we somehow get everything done before the deadline."

"I can't tell if you're joking. Remind me to never use the sauna over there."

"Missing out on good times."

"I couldn't afford the clinic bill."

"So…gala?"

"What's it for?"

"The Forrester 'Make Your Fate' gala for the Hope line."

"I'm intrigued. Tell me more."

"_Carpe diem. _We're promoting the idea of seizing the day and going after whatever it is you want. Follow your dreams; embrace your every desire. Carpe diem for this day shall never return."

"Sounds like you have the makings of a runaway success."

"If we play our cards right, sure. Which is why I want you to come with me to the gala. I went stag last time and people haven't stopped trying to set me up since. I'm tired of the questions. Be my date and scare off all the eligible bachelorettes before I accidentally find myself engaged to a model that's half my age."

"What's in it for me?"

"That's for you to decide. _Carpe noctem_, Katie."

"An evening on the arm of a handsome man or an evening on my couch with a plate of Swiss chocolate brownies and a Law & Order marathon. Tough one."

"Now, you're making me wish I was hanging out at your place instead of going to this thing. Invite me over, I'll bring the good wine."

"Ridge Forrester miss a party? The Mayans got it wrong. This is the end of the world as we know it."

"Still waiting for that invitation."

"Consider yourself invited."

Ridge bent down to brush a kiss across her cheek.

"Thank you."

Katie smiled up at him, enjoying the sheer delight of being close to him. The wafting scent of his spiced cologne made her feel like she was in some sort of dream, floating. The music added to surrealism of the moment. If he kissed her right this instant, she'd know she must have nodded off on his shoulder as she tended to do when their evenings grew hazy and quiet. _This doesn't happen to me, not when I'm awake._

Ridge skimmed his fingertips over her exposed collarbones as if they were a page in his tablet. Ridge had come back from Paris armed with an appreciation for human contact he'd never shown. This sense of being a human canvas for drawings she couldn't see had become the norm. She swayed into that touch all the same.

"You'll have to come up with a good excuse for not going."

"I'll say I got a better offer. I won't be lying."

"Charmer."

"For you, anything."

He tipped his head to kiss her cheek again. His lips were soft on her skin, countered by the roughness of the stubble on his chin. He coaxed her closer till she was flush against his chest. She outlined his bicep through his shirt. He was all ropey strength, strength that he'd lent to her this year.

"Find something you like?"

Katie pinched him. "I like _this_."

"Good to know."

Katie was a bolder woman in his arms than she was anyplace else. _When you get sick of being timid, all that's left to be is bold._

She cupped the back of his neck, ruffling the short hairs her fingers found.

"What are you thinking?"

"Just that life is strange. I couldn't have imagined a year ago that you would become my most trusted confidant. It's just—it's _strange_."

"The man I was a year ago wouldn't have been anything like that. He wouldn't have known the first thing about it. His head was in a weird space. He eventually found solace in work and in art and people, again. I found it in you. When you find that, you have to give it back."

"Is that a rule?"

"It's my rule." Ridge traced the curve of her smile with his thumb. "You gave me everything. This is just the beginning of everything I plan to give you."

Ridge nudged her chin and ever so gently brushed his lips against hers. Little more than a peck, it made Katie keenly aware of the pleasure destiny had denied her in this life. But maybe it wouldn't always.

Katie stroked his face.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"I can think of a lot of things we could do. Come here."

Giggling, Katie wrapped her arms around his neck. _This feels right and yet…_

Ridge's cellphone vibrated, jarring Katie from her thoughts.

He swore.

She huffed, resting her forehead against his shoulder. _It was too good to be true._

"See who it is."

"Nobody I want to talk to at the moment."

"Maybe, maybe not." She wouldn't put it past her sister to just _know._

Katie's phone took this as its cue to sound.

"_Damn it_."

"See how annoying that is."

"Worst invention ever." She pulled it out of her handbag to check the display. "It's Donna. We're supposed to be having lunch."

"Give her my best." The growl of displeasure resounding in his chest belied the understanding he was trying to convey.

"I'll do that."

He kissed her hands as he told her goodbye.

She let him go.

…

Katie was giggling with Donna over Caroline stealing food off their plates when a waiter approached their table carrying an ivory vase overflowing with flower blossoms.

"Miss Spencer," the waiter asked, uncertain. The women shared a look. _He must be a new one._

"Logan Spencer or Spencer-Forrester?"

The sweating waiter was immediately alarmed. _Poor guy._

"You can leave it with us, we'll figure it out."

Donna immediately zeroed in on the quality of the flowers. "Somebody's been good this year. Bluebells, calla lilies, and baby's breath. It's not red roses, but they're very well-cut." Donna tipped her head. "So to speak."

Caroline took out her phone. "Let me look up what they mean."

"They're flowers, Caroline."

"Come on, Aunt Katie. I know you're into romance. What's more romantic than the language of flowers? Don't you wanna know somebody was trying to say?"

"Why Google when we can just read the card?" Donna plucked it from among the blooms.

"Shouldn't we find out who they're for first?"

"We have two possible candidates. What better way to find out than reading the card?" Donna did just that. She covered her mouth. "Aww. This must be for you." She handed the card to Katie.

Katie touched her chest. There was a small wallet-sized photo of Will, RJ, and Ridge.

_'To you who have enriched our lives in every way. From sun-strewn afternoons to twilight matinees to pure unbridled motherly love. Happy Mother's Day, Katie._

_Love, Your Boys_

She squinted at the picture wondering just when they would have gotten together to take it. _The duck!_ Will was holding his duck, only it didn't yet have his name stitched on the back. _That must have been Valentine's Day. Ridge must have planned this._

"Wow."

"Looks like you've got some not-so-secret admirers." Katie ignored everything implied by Donna's tone. She'd be hearing from Brooke about it soon enough.

"I'm a lucky girl."

Caroline started to tear up. "You really are."

Katie put the note in her purse and reached for her suddenly tearful niece.

"Honey, why are you crying?"

Caroline fanned her eyes, trying to preserve her eyeliner. "Don't worry, they're happy tears. I guess I just miss the moms today. I need to send them Happy Mother's Day texts."

Donna rubbed her shoulder. "You do that."

She raised a perplexed eyebrow at Katie who shrugged. _Mood swings and increased appetite. Looks like the Spencer-Forrester branch of this family tree might be set to grow._ Call it a feeling. _That will be the best-dressed child Forrester has ever seen._ Katie would be the first to pick up a gift off the registry.

"Caroline, have you and my nephew talked about kids?"

"Not yet. It hasn't really come up."

Donna took it from there.

"Maybe it's time it did."

**…**

On getting in her chauffeured car to return to Spencer, Katie dialed '3' on her speed dial and got Ridge.

"Forrester."

"A lovely bouquet was delivered to me at lunch today with a picture of three dashing men in it. I thought it must be my birthday, but my birthday isn't for another two weeks. Any idea who the mastermind of this little gift might be?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Likely story."

"It was worth a try. Do you know how inconvenient your birthday is? I couldn't decide if we should wait and skip Mother's Day or just celebrate twice."

"I don't need a party to celebrate my maternity. I've got the best gift I could have for that: Will."

"You deserve that party."

"What I deserve doesn't concern me; I'm too busy being grateful for what I already have."

"I'm going to get you to go dancing with me one of these days."

"One of these days, I'm going to let you."

"Happy Mother's Day, Katie Logan."

"It's been much happier than I anticipated."

"You shouldn't have doubted me. I told you. I don't make promises I can't keep anymore."

"I like this new you. You'd better not go anywhere."

"You have my word."

**…**

Katie placed the picture in a position of honor on her desk, right beside a photo of herself holding a newborn Will. _This is my family._ She wouldn't let anyone tell her otherwise.

She made it through the rest of her day, unimpeded by the drama that seemed to be overtaking her family at every turn. Will was happy. RJ and Ridge were happy. Her sisters were getting by. She wasn't about to take the lull for granted.

Her contentedness was only cemented by a text she received from Caroline:

To: Aunt K

_You were right! #BabyOnBoard_

To: Caroline

_Happy Mother's Day, sweetie._

Katie received in reply what could only be termed as celebratory keyboard smash. She decided not to ask.

There was one last minute logistics meeting that required Katie's presence, then she was off to enjoy an evening with a good book and a bubble bath to keep her occupied whilst Will spent the night at Liam's with Bill. _Company has its rewards, but there's nothing like the sound of silence to soothe the soul._

She'd thought she was off, at any rate.

Katie rose to greet her niece. _Serves me right for letting Adele go home early._

"Hope, is everything okay?"

The girl was obviously anxious. She was twisting her hands and trying to smile.

"Yeah, everything's okay." Hope sighed and closed her eyes. "No, it's not. There's something wrong and I hope you can help me fix it."

"I can try. What is it?"

"You and Ridge."

_Déjà vu._ Katie seemed to spend more and more of her life discussing something that didn't exist. "Did your mother put you up to this?"

"No. She'd probably be upset if she knew I was here. She's been obsessing over the two of you for weeks. I keep telling her she doesn't have anything to worry about, but she won't believe me. Donna doesn't seem convinced either. What's going on?"

Katie blew a lock of hair that had fallen into her eyes out of her face.

"Nothing's going on. I told Brooke that there's nothing going on. Ridge and I are friends—good friends, close friends even, but only friends." _Friends who almost kiss, sure._

"Has she had any reason to think there might be something more between you two?"

"I can't predict what Brooke would consider a compelling sign of romance. She's my sister, but your mom is one of a kind."

"Very true." Hope swept her bangs aside. "She's really upset." _Donna must have mentioned the bouquet._

"And I'm sorry for that. In spite of what's happened, I don't want to hurt her. I just don't have the capacity to fix what isn't broken. Ridge is my friend. Maybe even my best friend since he came back. That's the truth."

"Are you positive there's nothing else?"

"Ridge and I spend a lot of time together. I can't say there's nothing. He's a handsome, loving guy; I'd have to be dead not to be attracted to him. That doesn't mean we're about to start some legendary love affair. I don't think that's in the cards for me."

Hope started to look guilty. _Why does everyone feel guilty when I'm supposedly the one to blame? _

"Don't count yourself out. True love tends to knock when you've given up listening."

"Is this you giving me the benefit of your twenty-one year old wisdom?"

Hope smiled, wistful. "If you ignore everything else I have to say, please think about this: If this whatever it is turns into something real…be honest with yourself. I know how hard it is to follow your heart when it's leading you someplace you're not sure you're ready to go. Take it from me, you'll be glad you went along with it."

Katie departed for home unsure what to make of the talk she'd had with her niece. Every so often, Hope would show that there was more to her than the Logan blood thrumming in her veins. _May she grow to be a better woman than all of us so far._


	6. May, Pt II

**May, Part II**

The end of the month saw Katie unburdening her nephew RJ of the shopping bags he'd toted into her house.

"What's all this for?"

"Can't tell you. It's all part of The Plan." The capital letters were implied.

"Oh, right. The Plan." Katie winked conspiratorially. "Where should I put this precious cargo?"

"Um, the kitchen sounds good."

"So I can expect food?"

RJ beamed a mischievous beam. _He gets that from his dad. The Forrester men are plotting._

"Maybe I'm just having you put that stuff in there to get you out of the way." _Very canny, my nephew._

"_Could be_. Guess we'll see who's got who figured out, huh?"

"Guess so."

Katie left her nephew and his father to their machinations to leave the bags he'd brought in on the kitchen counter. The second-long peek she'd granted herself had revealed an assemblage of baking ingredients. _They're going to try to bake. My kitchen may not survive the night._ She hid the largest of her knifes in the back of the pantry, beside the honey. _Boys, knives, fire. I have to limit the damage where I can._

She returned to the foyer to find her nephew messing with his phone. Still no Ridge.

"I should go help your dad."

RJ jumped in front of the door. "You can't! Dad said that birthday girls have to sit. It's in the rules."

"Oh, the rules. I'd hate to break one of those." Katie folded a leg under her and made herself comfortable on the couch. _Those rules of his…and those lips._ She'd thought of that almost-kiss often this month. Hope's imprecation, Brooke's warning, and Ridge's vows to her warred in her thoughts. _If this isn't revenge, what could it be? _Wary of the dangerous turn her thoughts had taken, Katie decided to make distract herself.

"So, what'd you do for your mom for Mother's Day?"

"Me and Dad made her pancakes with strawberries for breakfast."

"You're gonna make me jealous. I love pancakes and strawberries, especially with chocolate sauce."

"Mom liked 'em, too. She started crying."

_Out of both eyes?_ Katie immediately berated herself. _It's not Brooke's fault that melodramatic is her default setting. That's Brooke._

"I bet those were happy tears."

"That's what she said." RJ shrugged. "But Dad didn't seem that happy."

"Your dad can pretty hard to read. I bet he was happy on the inside."

Ridge graced them with his presence at last, kneeing the cracked door open to enter, arms laden, a tied pastry box in one hand and another couple of shopping bags weighing down the other.

"She stayed here the whole time Dad. Just like you said."

"Way to go, kid. Tell her the next rule."

"Birthday girls wear the crown." RJ rummaged around in one of the bags hanging off his father's arm to produce of pink and silver foil tiara. _It's not diamonds and platinum, but I think it will do._

"Is that for me?"

"Yup. Need help putting it on?"

"I think I've got it." Katie carefully slid the comb end pieces into her hair to anchor the crown to her head. "How do I look?" Katie posed dramatically.

"Like a queen."

"And me without my scepter."

"Sit down and put your feet up. This is your night, we're gonna take care of you."

"Should I order pizza?"

"I ordered for us."

"Did you?" She raised a sardonic brow. Katie liked to be wooed; she also liked to be consulted about things.

"_Maybe_ I should have run that by you first."

"Might have been nice."

"Next time." _How many next times is he expecting?_ Katie tried to maintain a stern mien. His smug grin said she was failing spectacularly.

"You get one pass. Don't screw it up."

"Yes, ma'am."

A sound from the baby monitor alerted Katie that Will had risen from his afternoon nap. She left the Forrester men to sort themselves out and went to retrieve her son from the nursery.

She picked him up from his crib and carried him to the changing table to clean him up.

"We have visitors. Ridge and RJ are here and it looks we're going to have some yummy, yummy cake tonight."

Will shook one of his toys, quietly gleeful.

"We're gonna have a good time for Mommy's birthday. It's going to be the best birthday ever." She blew a raspberry on his belly and laughed herself when he squealed.

"That's my baby. Let's go have some fun. "

Will noticed her crown on the journey downstairs and tried to yank it from her head.

"Not the crown, Will. That's attached to Mommy's hair. Ouch!"

"And here I thought he was all Logan." Ridge and RJ were watching the goings-on with equal amusement.

Katie glared at Ridge but kept trying to detach her son from the tiara _these _very troublemakers had given her. She managed to distract Will by shaking his toy in the other direction, then quickly setting him on the floor.

"Now that the entertainment portion of the evening is done, the best part begins." Ridge stroked her arm. It was bolts of lightning all over again.

"Don't worry about the kitchen. I'll clean up the mess." He lowered his voice a little. "I asked Pam to bake us a spare in case we set your stove on fire."

"Can we skip the four-alarm fire and eat that?"

Ridge affected a hangdog air.

"Am I supposed to give you permission to wreck my kitchen because I think you're cute?"

"You think I'm cute?"

Katie refused to get into just what she thought of him.

"Get out of my sight, Forrester, and take Junior with you." She grinned over RJ's offended exclamation.

"We gotta take Will along. A man's not a man till he learns how to bake."

Kate fanned her face in mild apprehension, nodding. "Whatever you want, just don't traumatize my kid."

Ridge settled Will on his hip. "You say trauma, I say childhood memories."

_How does anybody in this family make the distinction?_

The trio trooped toward the kitchen like men on a mission.

Katie needed a diversion. She sorted through the mail to kill a couple of minutes before she insisted on taking over in the kitchen lest her cake come out chockfull of sugar and chocolate chips. _Lest it doesn't!_

There were a couple of bills. A letter from her attorney, which she made a note to read after she'd put Will to bed and had copious glasses of wine. There was a funding leaflet for a local animal shelter. Katie was a lifelong sucker for puppy dog eyes. _My taste in men in a nutshell._

Katie was contemplating her recent change of fortune in that regard when she heard a knock at her front door. She'd spoken to each of her sisters already—both had other plans but took the time to wish her well on her special day. Brooke had even seemed sincere. Caroline had texted, as had Liam. She couldn't think of anybody besides the men currently decimating her stores of flour and eggs that might go to the trouble.

She opened the door and had to take a step back to hide her shock.

"I didn't expect to see you today."

Bill rocked on his heels, glancing, amused, at her tiara.

"It's your birthday. I figured I should make an appearance since I missed Mother's Day."

"Okay. Thanks."

She didn't step aside to invite him in. Somehow, she didn't think the house could withstand Ridge Forrester and Bill Spencer under its roof simultaneously.

"How was Mother's Day? Did you do anything nice?"

"Yeah. Caroline and Donna took me out for lunch. I had dinner with a friend."

His brows rose. "A _man_…friend?"

Katie crossed her arms, defensive and unsure why she ought to be.

"Yes, a man friend." _Are we twelve?_ "Bill, what's this about?" Their divorce had become final in the latter days of February. Katie had mourned on that day, to be sure, though not more than she'd sighed in relief.

"Nothing." Bill settled his hands in his trouser pockets. "I've been hearing things. You know how it is. This whole town's a bunch of gossips. They love a hint of scandal."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I've been hearing you and _Forrester_ might be mixing it up. I wanted to hear it from you."

"My relationship with Ridge isn't something I feel comfortable discussing with you."

"So long as you have my son, you don't have much of a choice."

Katie braced herself against the doorframe. _Don't get mad. You're the reasonable one._ "Voice your concerns. I'll try to answer them."

"I don't like Forrester and I don't like him around Will."

"It's a good thing you don't have primary physical custody of Will, then, since he _adores_ Ridge."

"_Katie_," he countered in a warning tone.

"Don't _Katie_ me, Bill. I don't need your permission to spend time with a man who has been a part of my life for decades. Ridge isn't going anywhere."

"That's what he's told Brooke, how many times now? Brooke's got me to catch her when he fails. Who've you got?"

"Nobody. You made sure of that."

"You're still pissed." He had the nerve to sound surprised.

"I was angry until very recently. You blew up the family we built, that you claimed to care about—not once but twice! Then, you had the unmitigated gall to come crawling back to me. You used me, and then you tried to use me again to curry favor with my sister."

"It wasn't like that!"

"So you didn't go running to Brooke the minute your plan to _magnanimously_ put our family back together after all those months failed to come together?"

Bill cleared his throat and refused to look at her.

"No need to be shy, tell me what's on your mind. You and Brooke didn't hesitate to tell me I was keeping you from starting your life together; don't hold back now that you want to tell me how it ended."

"It's not over yet. I'll get her back."

"Last I heard, Brooke was launching her umpteenth campaign to 'win' Ridge's heart. Between repeated, _failed_ attempts at seduction and ear-shattering declarations of destiny, I'm just not sure when she's going to be free to watch you plead your case."

"I didn't come here to fight with you. I have perfectly valid reservations about you letting that certified loser flounce around our son."

Katie hummed. "I'm not going to touch that one. Why are you really here?"

"Forrester is bad news. Brooke hasn't figured that out, but I thought you were smart enough to know better."

_It just keeps getting better_. "My god, Bill. You expected me to take you back after you tricked me into giving you everything you wanted. I know you thought of me as a princess, but I didn't realize you thought I was an idiot."

"You're one of the smartest women I've ever met. Don't give me reason to doubt that by hooking up with the fancy dressmaker."

"Spending time with a man who cherishes me doesn't strike me as a stupid thing to do."

"He's cherished every woman he's ever loved. Ask Brooke. What about Taylor? What about Bridget?"

"What about Steffy? Quinn? Donna? Should I call them and ask how chivalrous you were when you were seducing them?'

"If things had never gone down the way they did, you'd be as against Ridge and Brooke getting back together as I am."

"You got one thing right: I am against the two of them trying again. They don't work. They haven't worked yet and that means something. Having said that, I think they have the right to figure that out for themselves. They're capable of coming to that conclusion on their own."

"Maybe they're not."

"Then, they're not."

"He's stringing you along."

"I'm not the one pining after someone who doesn't give me the time of day. That would be you."

"She'll come back to me. I know she loves me."

"Does the strength of your convictions keep you warm at night? I know Brooke isn't around to do the job, though maybe if you whistled…"

Bill leaned in close over the threshold. "This bitterness isn't a good look for you."

Katie leaned in till she could see the deep dark brown of his eyes. "I'm done being bitter. I've got too much to celebrate. It was nice of you to visit, Bill. I assume you don't want to see our son at the moment."

"Not today. Just wanted to make my feelings known."

"You've certainly done that. Congratulations. Enjoy sleeping alone."

Katie shut the door in his face.

_He couldn't just let me be happy. He's incapable of taking the high road._

Despite the effort she made to shake off her anger, it hung over her like a dark cloud.

She yanked off her tiara. Happy_ birthday to me._

Katie swore at herself. She should have slammed the door in his when he showed up. Trying to take the high road did her little good when she felt this…_small _at the end.

She stalked around the house for a short while, picking up toys, and needlessly straightening throw pillows till she ran out of readymade mess to clean. Frustrated, she tossed herself into a chair at the kitchen table where Ridge was reading the back of a cake mix box.

"Do I wanna know what's put you in a mood?"

"I don't know. What's brash, condescending, thinks swords are a fashion statement and just stopped by to wish me happy birthday?"

Ridge put down the box. "Run that by me again."

"The first letter in his name is a dollar sign."

"Bill wished you a happy birthday." Ridge was disbelieving enough for two.

"My happiness isn't on the list of things he concerns himself with anymore. He makes that clearer all the time."

"_He's the poorest rich man I know._ What's life without love like yours?"

"He's got love. He's waiting for Brooke to see him again so they can continue their epic romance for the ages."

Ridge's sole reply was a nonplused grunt of acknowledgement. He wasn't any more reasonable on the topic of Bill Spencer than Bill was when discussing him. _God save me from men and their egos._

Ridge got down on the tile floor where Will was seated amid an explosion of crayons and construction paper Katie definitely hadn't bought him to try his hand at hand-colored origami. Her baby was in seventh heaven.

"You finally figure out that toddlers and flour don't mix?"

"I plead the Fifth."

"Uh huh."

RJ climbed down from the stool he'd been balancing on.

"The cupcakes are ready to go in, Dad."

Katie, who was well aware of the rules by this juncture, knew better than to venture into the culinary fray.

Ridge got up from his impromptu lecture on the fine art of making origami paper dolls for Will to put the baking pans into the oven.

"The instructions say they should be ready in twenty. We'll check in thirty 'cause they're always wrong." Katie envisioned twenty years of Ridge thinking he knew better than the printed instructions. She got up to inspect the fire extinguisher she'd purchased after finding out she was pregnant.

She turned around to find RJ covered in smears of batter. _Don't think I can't see you've gotten into the frosting, kid._ She handed him a washcloth which he used to scrub guiltily at the corner of his mouth, missing the remainder of the mess wholesale.

"Aunt Katie, can you teach me that soccer trick you used on Dad? I wanna try it out at a game next season."

"I don't know. You might need me to watch Will while you bake." By which she meant, 'safeguard her kitchen from the next Forrester creation initiative.'

Ridge interjected, all too knowingly, "Go ahead. Will and I can handle the crayons, and I'll keep an eye out for the 'cakes. I'll make a menswear designer out of this kid yet."

Katie smiled at them. "In that case, I'd be happy to teach you how to kick your dad's butt on the soccer green."

"Something tells me that trick will be the bane of my existence the next time he and I play one-on-one."

"Us winners have to stick together."

"You lose one match and you're branded a loser in perpetuity."

"Sad but true."

"It's okay, Dad. You're good at other stuff."

"Sure, I am. Get going, you two. Don't you know fashion is being born?" Ridge shooed them away.

"I know when I'm beaten. RJ, get your ball. We can kick it around in the back."

"Awesome." RJ bolted from the kitchen to retrieve his bag from the car.

"Don't slip him any icing. I'll know if you do."

"How?"

"Moms know."

On that mysterious note, Katie hightailed to the backyard to wait for RJ.

**…**

When A hand came down on her shoulder a half-hour, Katie about jumped out of her skin and into her pool.

It was Ridge.

"Didn't mean to startle you."

She waved off his apology, aware that she'd been a thousand miles away for a start.

"I was saying I just put Will down for a nap. Who knew paper dolls could be so tiring for the little guy?"

"He loves excitement, but he hasn't got the stamina for much of it yet."

"You okay?"

"I am. I'm fine. I've got a million things to think about and I guess I chose this moment to dwell on it."

"If I'm distracting you, I can leave you to it." He looked to the green grass where RJ was working feverishly to replicate her little heel trick.

"Don't go." Katie ran her hand down his arm, pulling him to sit on the edge of the pool next to her. "I want you here. I always want you."

His lips twitched.

_Damn it. _"Here! I want you here with me. You and RJ with me and Will." Katie thought it best she stopped talking. "Ignore all that."

"I don't think so. You like having me around. So what? There's nothing incriminating about basking in companionship." _Anything can be explained away with enough denial._

"Tell Brooke and her band of emissaries, which has expanded to include my ex-husband."

"You know how I feel about Spencer."

"I think everyone on the west coast is aware of your thoughts on him."

"He was never good enough for you."

"I thought he could be. I wanted him and he wanted me. I thought that could be enough."

"It should have been enough."

Katie snorted.

"You can't tell me anything I don't already think about myself. I know I'm not a saint. I've made a lot of mistakes. I've made a fool out of myself and out of other people who didn't deserve that kind of betrayal. That makes me an expert at knowing a fool when I see one. That's Bill Spencer."

"He is something else. There's not a word for it yet."

"Doesn't matter what you call him. He's wrong." Ridge squeezed her shoulder. "I've finally had the chance to see you for who you are, and I like what I see. Like a work of art hidden in plain sight, you've only grown more remarkable with time. I'm not giving you up. Spencer and I will just have to learn to coexist."

"This would be so much easier if I were different." _I could have everything I want without regretting it. I could have you._ "Can you imagine?"

"I can't. If you were anybody else, you wouldn't be yourself. The people who love you don't love this hypothetical person you wish you were, no matter how great you've imagined her to be."

"You can't know that."

"I can. Katie, you're not some kind of mistake. We love _you_, just you."

"But _when_ did that happen?"

"Does it matter?"

"It might not. I thought I had all the answers to where my life is going and I'm coming to the realization that I haven't got a clue. I'm a year old and not a moment wiser."

"There are worse ways to go about life than not having a plan. No expectations means no disappointments. Every day becomes a chance to be surprised."

"My family seems convinced that one more surprise will kill me."

She looked at him to see what he thought versus what he said. She couldn't spot the lie.

"Maybe they don't know you as well as they think they do. They'll learn. I did." Ridge stood and offered her his hand.

"Let's go in. Food's here."

She stoop up and waved RJ over from the corner of the yard he'd claimed as his own.

"You couldn't have said that before?"

"I like spending time with you. Sue me."

**…**

After dinner had been devoured and the cupcakes frosted and left to set, Katie queued up a movie for the four of them to watch. RJ insisted on having the armchair, and an entire bowl of popcorn, to himself where Will was content to be cuddled in Katie's lap nursing his sippy cup. Ridge and she shared a bowl.

"I have no idea what we're watching, but it's supposed to be family friendly."

Ridge raised a handful of popcorn in a toast. "Here's to new experiences."

RJ shhhed them both and they settled down as the credits began.

Partway through the movie Ridge took out a yellow legal pad and started scribbling away. Katie noticed by the fervent scratching of pen on paper.

"Not your kind of movie?"

"Hmm? Oh, no, it is. I've seen it. It's one of RJ's favorites."

"Do you want to switch to something you haven't seen yet? I don't want you get bored."

"I couldn't get bored with you, Katie. You keep me interested just sitting next to me."

"Hence the urgent shopping list writing."

She tried to take a peek at what was so urgent only for him to tilt his notepad away from her prying eyes.

"Not making a shopping list." He smirked like he had a secret. "I've been inspired."

Katie hummed, contemplative. Ridge tended to be struck by inspiration at the oddest moments of late.

"If it doesn't detract from your artistic fervor, what are your and RJ's plans for the summer?'

"We were thinking about taking a trip to Paris to see Thomas and Steffy, and maybe doing some backpacking elsewhere to celebrate his birthday."

"Big plans for a little guy."

"RJ knows Paris like his own backyard. The rest is exploratory. It's like you and Will: I want RJ to get as much out life as he can at this age. He won't have this kind of free time once he's all grown up. You only turn ten once."

"It's a good idea. But Will and I will definitely miss you."

"You don't have to miss us. You could come with us."

"Come with you to Paris." Katie looked down at Will to hide her surprise. "That's an awfully big trip for Will at this age."

"Get him vaccinated and make sure he doesn't put any of the local garbage in his mouth. Why should he have to wait till he can spell it to see the Eiffel Tower?"

"You can't be serious."

"Why wouldn't I be? I've been forthright this far, haven't I?"

"I can't seem to say no to you."

Ridge tore out a page and folded it up to put in his pocket.

"How about this? Think about for a couple of weeks. I'll get you an itinerary and you check it against your obligations for the summer. If you can make it work, you'll think about it. If not, no harm done. What do you say?"

"I say I'll consider it."

"That's all I wanted to hear."

Ridge carried on drawing. Meanwhile, Will fussed more the sleepier he became. _It's getting late._

Katie elbowed Ridge and pointed to RJ who'd nodded off in his armchair. Ridge rescued RJ's bowl of caramel popcorn before it could decorate the floor and covered his son with his coat.

"Baking took a lot out of him."

"You two didn't have to do all this for me."

"He loves you. He's been having so much fun with you and Will, he wanted to thank you for including him. That was all him."

"Wonder where he gets that from?"

"It's a puzzle."

She wanted to blame the light for the darkness in Ridge's eyes when he looked at her, but she knew better. This was the look from January and February, and so on. This wasn't a revelation; this was acceptance.

Katie returned her attention to the screen where the main characters, a boy and a girl, were being reunited with their loving parents after defeating their enemies. They'd faced world domination, but they were laughing at the end.

"I see all these people finding happiness and I wonder if I ever will."

"You will." Ridge brushed RJ's hair out of his face. "You're cared for and loved by many people; in all likelihood, more than you've noticed."

"I notice a lot more than you give me credit for."

Ridge swallowed hard and started to avoid her eyes.

"I should get RJ back to Brooke's."

"Will's probably going to be fussy all day tomorrow. I should get him to bed."

Ridge roused his son. "The car's open. I'll be out in a little bit."

RJ grumbled in response, fairly sleep walking toward the front steps, dwarfed in Ridge's oversized jacket.

Katie propped Will up on the couch, where he continued to snore, and stood to see them out.

Ridge scrubbed a hand across the nape of his neck.

"I want you to know that, uh, you've been everything since I came home."

Kate could make an itemized of what his friendship had meant to her—the words alone wouldn't say enough.

"I couldn't begin to explain what you've been to me."

He took her hand and squeezed it tight.

"This is the beginning of another chapter of your life—if you want it."

"I thought New Year's Eve was the beginning."

"In case I wasn't entirely clear, I want you think of this as another start—for us."

No ringing phone interrupted this kiss.

This wasn't lines of lightning but lava, hot and irrepressible, skin against skin. His hands roved across her hips and back whilst hers tangled in his inky hair. That kiss that felt so long passed was nothing compared to this.

Once his hand—that talented, teasing hand—found its way under her sweater she had to rein herself in lest her libido get the best of her, and she the very best of him.

_What the hell, you only live once._ She gave up and dragged his mouth to hers again.

He groaned. She whimpered.

Will hiccupped in his sleep and they broke apart.

_I have to think._

They stood panting, brow to brow. "That's yours, if you want it."

"Are you asking? You can't possibly think I'd say no."

"You know what they say about assuming."

"Shut up and kiss me again."

Ridge swayed forward, only to bypass her lips to kiss her cheek. He was teasing her.

Her skin didn't care, it came alive under his touch just the same.

"I gotta get RJ home."

Katie tried to regain her composure. She tucked her hands in her back pockets and followed him to the door.

"Drive safely."

Ridge lingered.

"Lock the door behind us."

"I will. Scout's honor." She sucked her lip. She could still taste him. His eyes followed the motion. His fingers grasped at nothing at his sides.

"Did you read a book about that?"

Rolling her eyes, she pushed him firmly in the direction of the door. "Go away before I forget why I have to let you leave."

Growling, Ridge spun them around and pressed her against the door for one last farewell kiss.

She'd give her friend—_friend_? No, something stronger, more. Whatever Ridge Forrester was to her now, she'd give him this. The man really knew how to make an exit.


	7. June, Pt I

**June, Part I**

Katie's former stepson was her unexpected visitor of the day on Monday. Thursday and Friday had been wall to wall conferences and teleconferences. It wasn't much of a way to celebrate growing old, but Katie had the memory of a kiss to keep her going strong.

He knocked on the door and steeped inside.

"Liam, I didn't know we had a meeting scheduled. Did I miss a call from you?" Katie scrambled to locate her phone. This was a rare fumble as she was rarely without it.

Liam ambled into her office, making a show of taking in the décor. She'd put up a few more pictures of the men in her life. One from her birthday showed all three of them sporting faces covered in chocolate frosting.

"I called the house—that's where I stopped by the other night, on your birthday. Remember that night?"

Katie swallowed, anxious. _How could I forget?_

"You came by the house?"

Liam nodded obliquely. "I called first, but you didn't pick up. I don't know what I was thinking just showing up like that. I had gotten your message earlier in the afternoon about wanting us to meet and I thought I'd drop by and see what was up—you know, in case I needed to clean out my office before close of business."

"You're not being fired."

Liam sprawled into a chair, a picture of relief. "Oh, thank god. You don't know how happy I am to hear that. I'd hate to be fired. I really, really love my job."

Katie enjoyed having him in her corner.

"I'm sensing a topic change is in order."

"Yeah, I guess my question is 'when did you and Ridge become a couple to watch?'"

"I don't follow."

Liam only just reined in his visible disbelief.

"I came into the house—you should lock your doors, by the way. I came into the house after I saw RJ waiting in the car because I figured you wouldn't be busy."

"Oh."

"Mmm, yeah, I guess you can say I called that one wrong."

"That was…" Katie frantically sought a word to describe what Ridge's kiss had meant to her. None of those springing to mind were the sort she'd say out loud.

"You two have been in the society papers since February. You can't think this would come as a surprise to anyone."

"Contrary to what the tabloids have been saying, this is new. Liam, I'm not sure _what_ this is. This could destroy my standing at Spencer. You cannot tell anyone."

"Who would I tell?"

"Who knows? You can't say anything. Rumor is one thing, but the first hint of real scandal…"

"Ridge is single. _You_ are single. This is a victimless crime."

"Tell that to the next member of my family to come lecture me about whatever they think is going on between us."

"They should want you to be happy. I don't know much about how you two work, but I know what you look like when you're happy. That's the happiest you've been since you married my dad."

"He's not any happier about the situation."

"He's weighed in." Liam sighed to himself, "Of course he has. The truth is, my dad doesn't know when to leave well enough alone. He's got the life he claims to want. He can't contend with the idea of you and Ridge Forrester. He can't wrap his head around it. Up the moment I saw you two…like _that_, I don't think I could either. The cards weren't there."

"For me, either. Ridge wasn't on my radar before this year. He was Brooke's true love, not to be trifled with or touched. He was her Holy Grail. Who was I or any woman to think we could compete?"

"Something changed in Ridge while he was gone, didn't it? This Ridge…" Liam gestured vaguely. "He's not the same. This Ridge makes the two of you together seem _natural_. In the papers, in interviews when he mentions you—"

"Ridge mentions me?" Katie oversaw a publishing company, but she had very little time to spend reading anything that didn't come in the form of a quarterly earnings report.

"Uh, yeah, a couple of times recently. He was talking about perspective and new leases on life and how spending time with you had inspired him to see things in a new light. That's kind of why I figured you two were an ongoing thing. He hasn't exactly been _subtle_."

"He hasn't said anything to me. Up until he kissed me that night, I wasn't sure he had real _romantic_ feelings for me. I figured I was misreading the signs."

"Billboards tend to be pretty clear."

"Not helpful."

"I'm just saying. He's been giving off smoke signals since, uh, the beginning." Liam ticked off the benchmarks on his fingers: "How he talked about you to Brooke—_big_ sign. How he talked about you to Rick. How he talked about you to my dad. When I look back, it's obvious he's had these feelings. The only one who wasn't ready to see it was you."

"Why would he wait this long? That doesn't make sense. Ridge Forrester waits for no woman."

"Has it occurred to you he was waiting to see if you'd make the first move?"

"That's not me."

"Which he must have realized, so he took a chance and…_here you are._ The question you have to ask yourself is do you regret it?"

"I…" Katie thought of being in Ridge's arms and that feeling of being safe and loved that had immediately enveloped her. She thought of the look in his eyes that she had seen almost every day for months when she caught him watching her across a crowded desktop. _You were there my whole life. How'd I miss you?_ She recalled the sheer undaunted, passion and _want_ he'd poured into their kisses. "I don't regret it. Not the kiss or the time we've spent together. I've denied these feelings for the sake of keeping the peace and I'm not sure I can do that anymore."

"Then, you have to tell him. Falling love is the best thing in the world, but it's nothing if you don't share it."

"I don't have the luxury of loving whomever I want. There are consequences."

"Face them as a team, as you've faced all kinds of stuff. If it's my dad you're worried about—okay, yeah, he might be a problem. Cross that bridge when you come to it. Do _this_ and then the rest. Just make sure you actually do it. Missing a chance at love to avoid some negative publicity is the worst thing you could to yourself in the long run. Take it from somebody who lives with that regret every single day."

**…**

Katie had taken time to process the talk she'd had with Liam. She'd given herself many opportunities to smile stupidly over the kisses she had shared with Ridge that sill made her lips tingle on recollection. This was happening, somehow.

Over the course of several days Katie had progressed from disbelief that Ridge had actual, non-guilt-related feelings for her to uncertainty over the nature of those feelings. Was it lust? More? How much was more than lust? There was a potent attraction, to be sure, as well as a willingness to act on it.

She herself was reluctant to put a label on the emotion that prompted her to smile when she received a text from him. _Does he feel like that when he hears from me?_ Casual affairs were someone else's privilege. Katie had her son, her company, and her reputation to consider.

Ridge had called twice in the interim. Once, he hadn't left a message and the second time was to invite her on a lunch date that a last-minute scheduling conflict forced her to cancel outright. She'd been stumped on how to apologize for that without their conversation becoming about…_this._ She had, therefore, performed her best trick to perfection; Katie had dodged.

_Until today._ She had to face what the future held lest she wait and find it held nothing.

Katie made her way to Forrester right on schedule for lunch per their standing date.

"Hi, Pam, I have an appointment with Ridge. Is it okay if I just wait inside?"

"Sure, he's in a meeting with Carter downstairs, but he should be out in a couple of minutes. Make yourself at home. Let me know if I can get you anything."

"Thanks."

Pam left Kate in Ridge's office and shut the door behind her.

Katie took the time to survey her surroundings. It wasn't often she spent time in Ridge's office when the man was elsewhere. He tended to keep her absorbed when he was here, which meant she hadn't had much opportunity to notice what changes he'd made.

New pictures of RJ and Ridge in Paris had been added to the mix of family portraits featuring Taylor and Brooke, and one alone of a young Ridge embracing the first Caroline Spencer. _He isn't giving any of them up._ The Ridge who'd come back to L.A. wasn't the Ridge who'd left.

Caran d'Arche colored pencils littered his workspace in thirty bright hues. His trash bin overflowed with discarded professional-grade drawing paper. _This is the studio of a master._ Where confusion was channeled into art. Katie began to smile upon encountering a photograph of RJ and Will playing trucks on her floor.

Katie paused when she noticed a sewing mannequin standing beside Ridge's desk. It wore a dress in-progress, the skirt just about brushing the floor. The dress was breath-taking. All of Ridge's work tended to be works of art and everyone knew he had a particular gift for clothing the female form, yet there was something about this dress that called to Katie from across the room. _What is it about this dress?_

She carefully fingered the fabric. _Cool to the touch._ She skimmed the hand-detailing on the bodice where the black stitched embroidery underscored the supple richness of the silk.

"You like it?"

Katie jumped, spinning around to face Ridge. He was leaning against his office door and he looked as if he had been for some time. She hadn't heard him come in.

"It's gorgeous. I thought Forrester had finished its couture shows for the season. What's it for?"

"Special delivery."

"Isn't the entire couture brand special delivery?"

"Yes and no. Some pieces are a little more special than others."

Katie saw that in the flattering cut of the silhouette and the deep emotional rouge of the fabric and the dramatic flourish of the skirt that would glimmer like lightning in a storm when the wearer walked. _This isn't just Ridge being Ridge. This is Ridge _caring.

There was some part of Katie that wasn't sure she wanted to like the dress after all. Love had gone into the making of it.

"Is it for Brooke?"

"I haven't designed for Brooke in years. Caroline handles most of her custom requests when she orders in-house."

"Ah. Things are still a little awkward between you two."

Katie twisted the strap of her purse.

"Things are likely to stay that way. She wants a reunion I can't give her."

Ridge sauntered past her to touch a loose stitch on the dress.

"You could."

He turned the mannequin to inspect the side zipper in search of something Katie couldn't fathom.

"Let me put it another way: She wants a reunion I _won't_ give her. My feelings have changed. That was something I needed to admit to myself and, once I did, the decision not to get back together was easy. Telling her was not so easy."

"Brooke hears what she wants to hear."

Finally, seemingly satisfied with his findings, Ridge set the dummy back to rights and turned to perch on the edge of his desk.

"Brooke hears what I tell her and I'm often not as clear as I should be. I love her, I will always love her, she's RJ's mom, but I'm not in love with her anymore. That I was able to walk away from her on our honeymoon may be proof that I wasn't in love with her even then."

The tension radiating through Katie's body began to ease.

"Paris _was_ good to you."

"Paris saved my life."

"Someday you'll have to tell me that story."

"Have dinner with me and I'll tell you all about it sooner rather than later."

"We have dinner all the time."

"Complete with dramatic and melancholy poetry readings and dancing?"

"I don't know, that sounds a lot like a date."

"It does."

"If you're on the rebound…"

"I've been single for close to two years."

_That answers one of my questions about Paris._

"Technically, you just broke up with Brooke." Two years was a blink in a love story that had lasted for decades.

"That's the Logan interpretation of events. By all other accounts, we haven't been an item for ages."

"Why me?"

"I care about you. You're loyal, steadfast, and bright."

"I sound like a talented dog."

He allowed his eyes to drift down her body in obvious appreciation.

"You don't look like one. You're dazzling. You're driven and compassionate. There's nobody in the world like you."

There was a lifetime of insecurity in Katie's past. Simple kindness, affection, admiration; all these gifts that should have quieted her mistrust heightened it.

"It would be so easy to be seduced by compliments."

"Here's what I want you get from me: There are worse things than to be loved."

"To be loved and abandoned is far worse."

"I agree, and yet I'm still here, waiting."

He sat before her, this knight who wielded pens and verse instead of a sword. _If I can show him a fraction of what I'm too scared to voice…_

"Ask me again."

"Have dinner with me. Let's listen to bad poetry being read while drinking overpriced espresso in a dive. The place'll smell like clove cigarettes and hashish. Everyone, including us, will be wearing black. We'll clap no matter how terrible the reading is because they'll be braver than we are and that deserves applause."

"You've thought about this. You've thought a lot about this."

"Would it be admitting too much to say I haven't thought about anything else?"

"You should have asked." Katie could never admit it, but she'd wanted him to ask her this for longer than it bore remembering.

"Rejection is a scary thing to think about."

_Ridge Forrester, frightened of me. This is surreal._

"I'm not saying no."

"But?"

"No 'but.' Let's go out and see what happens. I just want your word that I don't lose you if this doesn't work."

"You couldn't lose me."

"I could. Then, where would I be? _Without you, I feel…_"

"_Lost_?"

Katie nodded.

Ridge clasped her hands and tugged her close to nuzzle his cheek against her own.

"_You're not lost_."

Katie's breath hitched on the heat of his breath blowing over the shell of her ear. Trying to find solid ground this close to him was impossible.

Ridge wound his arms around her. Katie settled in, happy to be held. She was sick unto death of discussing what she hated about herself.

"How's the planning going for your summer in Paris?"

Ridge tensed and moved to let go of her. She held him fast. He didn't put up much of a fight.

"Not going. Brooke said no." A muscle near his eye twitched.

"Why would she say no? You and RJ have been planning this since before he came home."

"Brooke wanted us all to go together because their birthdays are only a week apart. I didn't have a problem with that. Then, RJ mentioned that we'd asked you and Will to come along and she raised some objections."

Katie removed her hands from his chest.

"She didn't want me to come with you. I wish I could say that didn't sound like my sister."

"I don't know what her problem is."

"Your ending things with her is the problem. She thinks the four of us are going on a family vacation and leaving her out of it. She'd recognize the tactic since it's exactly what she tried to do to me with Bill and our son."

"Sorry to bring up bad memories." He rubbed soothing circles down her spine.

"I won't hide from them. They are what they are."

"In any event, the trip is off. RJ and I have decided to go on a road trip instead right before school starts up, sometime in the last couple of weeks of summer. You should come."

"Brooke wouldn't like that."

"I don't really care what she thinks. Brooke's not my mother. We have joint custody of RJ and you're not a threat to his wellbeing. You're part of his family. If you want in, we want you; I'll want you regardless."

_He keeps saying the right things. He might even mean them._

"Gosh, me in a car with three sweaty men for days at stretch. How could I resist?"

"The offer's open till we leave."

"Thank you for thinking of me."

"Always."

"You'll never get rid of me if you keep talking like that."

"Remind me not to stop—ever."

Like a thief, Ridge stole her into his arms and kissed just as he had that night, except today there was a horizontal surface and no sleepy children to deter them.

He lifted her off her feet onto his desk, knocking aside anything in his path to make room. Katie pulled him down with her, grabbing handfuls of his jacket to pull his body over hers—and _oh god_, she'd never stop wanting this. He covered her like nightfall, dark and heavy and completely enrapturing; his biting kiss left her breathless and his fingers twisting in her hair kept her coming back for more.

Katie wanted more of him, all of him. So much more.

She yanked at his blazer till he relinquished his hold long enough to let her push it off and tug him back to her. Their legs tangled as he divested her off the blazer she'd dressed in with such care. _Don't care. More._

She pulled his shirt free from his waistband to seek out bare skin to sate this hunger he'd roused so carelessly.

Ridge surged against her like he'd been shocked back to life, grasping her hips to press as close as he could.

"Definitely trouble. Uh uh, we gotta save the best for later."

He peeled himself away, breathing fast. "Enough of that." Defeated, he came back for one more scorching clash of lips, and then withdrew, his musclebound form resisting every inch. She wasn't much better, sitting propped on her elbows to watch him run. Kissing him turned her into a raw, throbbing nerve.

Ridge made a show of reasserting his composure, wiping his mouth with a handkerchief from his discarded jacket.

Katie found a tissue in her purse to wipe off her smeared lipstick. _The lips are mightier than the lipstick._ She was going to have to guard against those lips of his or buy a better brand of makeup.

_Time for a diversion._

She finger-combed her hair into what she hoped was some semblance of order.

"I'm in love with this dress. Who's it for?"

"Why does it matter so much to you?"

"You put a lot into it. It's meticulously tailored. The detail is exquisite."

"You noticed. I must be rubbing of on you."

Katie was very much in favor of that. _Don't think about kissing him. Don't kiss him. God, I could kiss him all day._ She had to drag her eyes away from his lips. And from his neck, his shoulders, his hands. _Don't look at him._

"Don't change the subject."

"I'm not. This is very much on-topic."

Smoldering gaze locked on hers, Ridge leant down to kiss her shoulder where her blouse had slipped to leave it bare.

_Oh._

Her breath left her in rush. Her head swam as she fought down a surge of yearning that would have made her reach for him to finish what they'd begun.

_We're not there yet. We're not there yet. We _**will**_ be, just not yet. Soon. Better be soon or I'm going to combust. Think of something else._ Graceless as you please, Katie ducked out from under Ridge's mouth to step near the mannequin.

"So, if it's not for Brooke, who's it for?"

Ridge tracked her movements, all predator to her willing prey.

"Are you jealous?"

"Ha. If nobody ever asks me that question again, it'll be too soon. I'm just curious."

"She's easy on the eyes, if that helps."

_He's teasing. I have to quit being such an easy mark._

"We're in LA, the American beauty capital. I'd be surprised if she _wasn't_ stunning, but _who_ is she?"

"Afraid of a little competition?"

"Afraid I've already lost, again."

Ridge swept her hair away from her face. "I'll give you a hint."

"Do I look like I'm up for a game of Twenty Questions?"

"This is one of those moments where you learn to trust me. I promise it will be worth it."

"I want to trust you."

Ridge kissed her hand. "Trust me."

"Trust is a sticky issue. This is one of things I envy Brooke for. She just carries on when she's been hurt. She picks up the pieces and launches herself head first into love again like it's nothing. I wish it could be that easy."

"That's all right. Trusting love again, and yourself, is difficult. Cageyness is to be expected."

"If I were more like that…"

"I'm happy you're not Brooke. If you weren't you, I wouldn't love you as much."

Katie's mind went resolutely blank.

_He said…me? He…me?_

"You don't have to say it back. I can wait."

She had to grab onto the chair beside her to keep to her feet once he'd turned away.

Ridge retrieved a sketchbook from his center desk drawer and brought it back to show to her. He was so cavalier, she couldn't believe he'd said what she knew he'd said.

"I'm working on this new line and I want your input. It's corporate fashion. You inspired it a little bit, so I wanna know what you think."

Katie tried to imitate his coolness, setting aside her Kleenex to take the tablet. He didn't comment if he noticed it shaking in her hands.

"This is exciting. I've never been anybody's muse."

"You probably have more times than you think." Ridge led her over to his chair where he opened the sketchpad and flipped in a few pages. "We're thinking sophisticated, chic, classic lines but a more modern aesthetic. A Working Girl sensibility for 2014."

"A tagline for the ages. I'm already impressed."

"I like impressing you."

"How did I know that?"

Ridge flipped the cover shut just long enough to lean over and catch her lips in another stolen kiss. Katie was thoroughly happy to be stolen. _By a man who loves me._

This kiss was less plundering, more a tender pressing of lips that made her want to wrap around him for the rest of the night and not let go.

"All right, Trouble, time for business. Opine, critique, do your worst. Treat me like one of your contributors at Spencer. Give me the big, bad CEO treatment."

"You want me to boss you around? I could get used to that."

"You'd better."

When he dove for her again, Katie dodged his lips, to his vocal disappointment. He grumbled his dissatisfaction in the crook of her neck. She arched into the trail of sulky whispers murmured into her collarbone.

Her shivers soon turned to gasping laughter.

"I thought you wanted my professional opinion. I can't concentrate with you tickling me."

"Did I hear you say 'ticklish'?" She felt his fingers creeping toward her waist.

"No, Ridge. Don't you dare."

"You've unleashed the kraken."

She slapped his questing hands. "Don't! I am doing you a favor. I am going to review your line while you behave yourself."

"Where's the fun in behaving when this feels good?"

Ridge wrapped his bourbon-soaked voice around 'good' like he wrapped his lips around her earlobe, tauntingly and promising the stars.

"Work."

"Play."

Katie snagged the tablet from the edge of the desk and began to flip through it in search of the first sketch he'd shown her. The angel on her shoulder was shouting, but not louder than the rasping of Ridge Forrester's stubble against her hypersensitive skin. _Go slow. That's the smart thing._ Katie knew she'd be all in if they made love right this instant. What she couldn't decide was how much more _in_ she could be.

Clearing her throat, Katie really gave the sketch her full attention. It featured a faceless brunette model wearing fairly standard business attire. A blouse and skirt fit to the model in the hand of someone who adored the female form in all its facets. _He sure does._

"This print is impeccable. I have to own this blouse." Katie flipped to the next page, and then the next. All was in a similar vein and was likewise impressive.

Ridge pulled over another chair.

"Suggestions?"

"Not much. I'd include more slacks. Skirts are great, but never underestimate the appeal and versatility of tailored dress pants." Ridge noted as much on the side of the lead sketch.

"That's what I'm talking about. We work well together."

Katie was reluctant to take the praise outright.

"Fashion's not my area, I just know what I like."

"I have faith in your instincts. What about the color scheme?"

Katie narrowed her eyes at him. "Am I your market research?"

"You're the archetypical businesswoman we're trying to attract."

"It's working."

"Is it?"

"Mmhmm."

"That's what I like to hear."

"Happy to be of service."

"Come here, you."

He kissed her quick and soft, like _Hello._ She could greet him all day.

Katie was suddenly keenly aware of the time, and of not eating before work.

_I'm in meetings till five. Food is a must._

"Can I expect to actually have lunch before I go back to work?"

"Is food all you think about?"

Katie raked her nails down his shirt, daring as any women drawn by his hand.

"Not lately.

He turned up her palm to kiss the center.

"Let's pick something up and get you back to Spencer."

"A man after my own heart."

"Oh no, I'm after more than that." Ridge stroked her arm. "I have another proposition for you."

"You're just full of exciting new ideas."

"Better than the alternative. Join me at the Make Your Fate gala."

"That was supposed to be last month. You skipped it to stay with me."

"We pushed it back. The summer line wasn't ready to debut. All promotional activities were delayed by a month. It's in two days, and I want you to be my date."

"Not a poetry reading."

"No, but it is important to Forrester. We're celebrating turning our image around. You should be there."

Katie scrutinized Ridge to see if he was hiding anything; his body language told her nothing.

"I'll have to get Caroline to go with me to pick out a gown to wear."

"I've got something in mind. Let me send it over."

Katie's eyes lingered on _the_ dress. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I've been looking for an excuse anyway. This'll give me one."

"Should I buy anything for it?"

Ridge stroked her wrist.

"Don't buy anything. I'll have Caroline include the usual suspects. Jewelry, shoes. She'll probably even send some makeup tips your way. We'll think of everything. Just be there to put it on."


	8. June, Pt II

**June, Part II**

**…**

Katie received a package the evening of the Forrester 'Make Your Fate' gala. A cream-colored Forrester Couture dress box was hand-delivered to her door alongside a shoebox and cosmetics bag. Katie gave the courier a tip and took the delivery to her bedroom. She had refused Donna's offer to get ready together when she agreed to accompany Ridge to the event. Whatever he had in mind was for her eyes only.

She read the attached notecard to herself. _'To my Katie. Love, Ridge.'_

Katie's pulse sped up. She had nursed a suspicion in Ridge's office that day that she hadn't allowed herself to really consider in the days since. She had chosen to trust him over Brooke's insidious whispers. She had chosen with her heart over her head. This was the moment where she was proven a wise woman or a fool.

Katie opened the bigger box.

The dress had been altered since she last laid eyes on it. If possible the gown had grown more splendid. She lifted the garment out of the box to hold it against her in body of the mirror. The folds of the gown spilled over her fingers in a lustrous wave where a faint shimmer danced on the surface beneath her bedroom lamplights.

_He designed it for me._

There _was_ something in the dress and she might have been right; it might have been love.

Katie dressed with care, leery of damaging this crucial evidence in her hands. _This isn't just friendship, or him leaning on me. This is something else._ Katie gave herself permission to believe in whatever it might come to be.

Katie found a slip of Hope for the Future stationery in one of the pumps Caroline had sent with the dress.

_'Don't worry, you'll take his breath away. Love you! –C'_

_Here's hoping you're right._

Katie made herself up according to Caroline careful instructions, substituting some of her more subtle preferences for Caroline's preferred splashes of color. _Next time._ Katie meant for there to be many times to come.

Once fully coiffed, she checked with the sitter to give last minute instructions and kissed her sleeping boy good night. A ring of the doorbell later, she found Ridge waiting on her doorstep elegantly attired in a classic three-button tux and waistcoat. His pocket square matched her dress.

He held out his hand to her. She took it, allow him to spin her in a slow circle to see her in the gown she'd loved at first sight. "Magnificent. You're more bewitching wearing it that I envisioned. Positively devastating. "

"This dress. I was…I didn't want to put it on, I didn't want to ruin it."

"I designed it in your image; there's nothing to ruin."

Katie took this all-important opportunity to greet him with a kiss.

"Hmm, I'm the luckiest man at the ball and we're not even there yet. Come on, Trouble, there's a limousine and a party with our name on it."

"Lead the way."

They spent the trip from Beverly Hills to downtown Los Angeles discussing a joint poetry competition Ridge had posed a month or so ago. Katie had looked into the logistics of the undertaking and she thought it just might work.

They pulled up to the LA Opera right as night fell. The glass and stone monolith stood like a three-tier lantern in the surrounding darkness, the crystal chandeliers within lighting the way of the guests to come. Flags bearing the Forrester crest waved in front of the windows. An opulent green carpet marked the path from the curb, careening around the lighted water fountain and neat planted trees until it reached the plate glass doors.

"You thought of everything."

"This night was a team effort. Dad thought of the opera house, Caroline thought of the colors, the Fullers thought of the theme, and the rest was fate."

"You're becoming a believer."

"In something new every day." Ridge buzzed their driver who came back around to let them out.

Katie stepped out into a frenzy of overdressed press reporters and photographers restrained and only just by the presence of velvet green rope lines and stern men in tuxes sporting earpieces. That there was sure to be one or more Spencer journalists in the bunch did little to allay Katie's unease with the majority who weren't. Nevertheless, Katie knew it was her job to suck it up and sell the story, and that's what she did.

"What brings you to the 'Make Your Fate' gala tonight, Ms. Spencer?"

"I'm here to support my friends and family who've worked so hard these last few years to make Hope for the Future the success it's become."

"And your date?"

Ridge was working the press line to her right, fielding questions about the upcoming launch, the soul of aplomb and vermouth-dry wit. _Handsome as anything._

"He's…he needs no introduction."

"You're right about that. Have a wonderful evening, Ms Spencer."

"Thank you."

Katie figured she was unlikely to have that same luck twice and opted only to take questions from familiar faces, which offered her the opportunity to talk at length about Spencer's recent success and their plans for the next quarter.

Ridge snuck into her shot at the tail end of her final interview to add his two cents.

"Nobody asked me, but I think she's best thing to happen to the place in years."

"Ridge is too kind."

"Not too kind to steal you away from the press line. You ready to go in?"

"I think so."

The interviewer wished them both a good evening.

Ridge tucked her hand into the crook of his arm and led her along the green carpet to the stairs under the golden lights.

"That didn't go too badly."

"It's still early. They don't want to piss anybody of yet. Wait until after dessert. Once everybody's got a couple of drinks in them, the press isn't so eager to please. Everyone still sober after ten will take the side exit."

They were checked in by an attendant upon reaching the doors before being escorted inside by an usher in a dinner jacket.

The foyer of the Opera had been repurposed as their ballroom for the evening. The seats and card tables which usually filled the atrium had been replaced with round tables that hugged the walls to leave a wide space for a dance floor. The two floors of balconies rising overhead already boasted full complements of dapper partygoers milling in droves. Diamond-shaped mirrors adorned the ceiling reflecting the light of the trio of chandeliers suspended from above. Beyond the glass walls, the sky was an indigo portrait of pinprick stars, so vast that this building might have been alone in all the world. _This is a night when anything can happen._

Ridge brushed the backs of his fingers down her arm to direct her attention to another man in white.

_The steward, I forgot about the steward. _Katie squeezed Ridge's arm tighter. He gave her a reassuring look. She tried to be as courageous as that look expected. _We're this strong together. We can do this. _

_I can._

"Announcing Mr. Ridge Forrester of Forrester Creations and Ms. Katherine Logan Spencer of Spencer Publications."

They stepped into the ballroom arm in arm.

Katie embraced the lessons years in Brooke's and Donna's shadows had taught her. _You're everything you believe you are. Other opinions are immaterial in the moment._

"I can't remember if I told you this, but you look beautiful tonight."

"You've told me a dozen times."

"This is me telling you again. You're the most breathtaking women in the room. I couldn't be luckier if I were the king of the world."

"I promise not to crack up. I can do this."

"There isn't a doubt in my mind. Let's make the rounds."

Katie caught a glimpse of Bill holding court near the farther grand staircase leading to the balconies. _Bill Spencer is never without an audience wherever he goes._ She spied Quinn Fuller, the mother of Bill's second son, amid the throng. Katie recognized at once the predatory gleam in Quinn. _You're one a few. Don't let him catch you._ Quinn was as Katie had been at her worst: she believed she could tame beast. Katie had learned. Quinn would have to learn twice.

Ridge and Katie ran into Jack Abbott from Jabot Cosmetics out of Genoa City coming out of the performance hall where tonight's presentation was to take place. Ridge shook his hand and slapped his back.

"Jack, welcome back to L.A. You should come more often. You'd fit right in."

The man with the million-dollar smile lit up and embraced Ridge like an old friend.

"You sly dog. How'd you get back in town without anybody raising the alarm?"

"I snuck in like a vandal in the night. I'm good like that. Here, let me introduce you to Katie Logan Spencer. She's the new CEO over at Spencer Publications."

"First and foremost, may I say that you look amazing? Something tells me I'm looking at Ridge Forrester original."

"Guilty as charged."

They all laughed.

Katie and Jack shook hands and he covered hers with his.

"I heard about the donation you made to the Delia Foundation. I can't tell you how much that meant to me and Billy."

"I'm a mother. I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost my little boy. I had to do something, no matter how little."

"It's no small thing at home. Thank you."

Katie nodded.

"Now, what's this I hear about Spencer and Forrester teaming up for a poetry contest?"

Ridge gave the floor to Katie. _I can't believe I'm doing this._

"That depends. What are your thoughts on Shakespeare?"

**…**

Hope arrived with Wyatt and his mother half an hour later. Her niece made a splash in her flapper-inspired gown and headpiece. All things considered, Katie thought it best to keep her distance, and Ridge didn't protest, though he raised his glass of bubbly to the three when they passed in proximity.

Eric entered with Brooke on one arm and Donna on the other shortly thereafter, Caroline with Rick bringing up the rear. Katie avoided their notice altogether by moving from Ridge's right arm to his left where he blocked her from view. She didn't want a scene. _Let me have tonight._

Ten minutes had not elapsed before Brooke broke away from Eric's side to turn their chatting trio into a quartet.

"Good evening. I hope I'm not interrupting." She came bearing a duet of champagne flutes to share with Ridge who already had one. Ridge passed his second on to Jack.

"Thanks. No interruption here. Ridge and Katie were just explaining the _Ama la vita_ poetry competition they're founding to me. I'm no great fan of the Bard, but I think the idea's got promise. What do you think?"

"Ridge you didn't mention this at lunch. Do tell."

Katie's champagne soured in her mouth.

"The two of you had lunch?"

Brooke leaned over Ridge's shoulder to giggle. "We have lunch all the time, silly. You must have known that since he tells you everything." Katie couldn't miss the gleam of triumph in Brooke's eyes as Ridge shifted uneasily on his feet.

"He usually does."

"This isn't happening," Ridge murmured in an undertone. "You may not have guessed, Jack, but I spend a lot of time brainstorming on my own."

"Mmhmm, Ridge can be a veritable hermit when he gets in a creative mood. You'd think he's gone to hibernate for winter."

Ridge's answering smile was stiff as his posture. "There's a great little Italian place off the Boulevard you should try. Bombay Osteria. It's good if you need peace and quiet. The pasta's first rate. Unfortunately, it can be a little too easy to find, which makes solitude a problem." He was studiously avoiding looking at Brooke. _And me._ Katie swilled her champagne. _This evening cannot end soon enough._

Jack inclined his chin. "Ah."

"Yeah. Brooke's got a habit of popping up when I least expect her."

Jack sipped his champagne, eyebrows quirked.

"You expected me this afternoon. It was your idea for us to meet there, remember?"

Ridge angled his body away from Brooke, his tuxedoed arm brushing against Katie's bare shoulder.

"Yes, it was. We had personal matters to discuss."

"Just like tonight."

"No, we really don't."

"Don't miss out on our account." Jack glanced at Katie. Katie couldn't have guessed at the expression on her face. "How about we leave them to it?"

"Best suggestion I've heard all night." Katie accepted his arm and slipped off into the fray beside him, very much ignoring Ridge as he called her name.

Jack led her to the nearest waiter carrying a tray of champagne. Katie was only too happy to partake. _Champagne makes everything more tolerable._

"_She's_ determined as I remember," Jack remarked.

"Yes, she is." Katie offed half her flute in a single gulp. _Trusting doesn't get me anywhere._

"Don't be put out. Ridge was sending out distress signals left and right."

Katie's memory of that conversation had grown fuzzy right when Brooke mentioned meeting Ridge for lunch.

"Why'd we leave them together if he didn't want to talk?" When Katie looked back, Ridge's demeanor told the tale. Brooke was talking to a brick wall wearing her ex-husband's face.

"You looked upset. Ridge would have wanted me to prioritize you over him."

"Are we that obvious?"

"After about thirty seconds, I'd say yes."

Katie clenched her fist around her clutch. _I'm my own worst enemy._

"Excuse me. I have to get out of here. Do you know where the side exit is?"

Jack eyed her warily before nodding toward an unmarked door behind a neglected potted plant.

"Don't stay out there too long. I'm not sure security's working the side of the building."

"Thanks for the warning."

Katie skirted the crowd Forrester associates and made for the door. She propped herself up against it for a beat, contemplating her next move.

She was angrier at herself than Brooke. Brooke had gotten the very response she wanted when Katie had left her and Ridge alone. _I cannot keep letting her spoil my every moment of happiness. I have to be stronger than those doubts or I'll lose him anyway._ They'd only just begun.

Feeling resolved and a tad overheated, Katie pushed opened the side door, and was confronted with a gaggle of press that made the front door rope line look tame. She stumbled in her heels on the threshold, unsure whether to shut the door or respond to the questions being volleyed at her like so many armed hand grenades.

"How does it feel to know all eyes are on you?"

_Mortifying._

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Since you and Ridge Forrester arrived on the green carpet, nobody's talked about anything else."

She didn't like the sound of that.

"Because we were late?"

They weren't.

"Because you came together. Everybody in town figured you two were an item months ago; we've just been waiting for confirmation. Are you two confirming tonight?"

Katie was instantly nauseous. She wasn't ready.

"No! We're not confirming anything. We're friends."

Katie thought she must have burned tracks in the runner getting as far from the mock press line as possible. She'd wanted air, not to be put on the spot by strangers and cameras. _This is not who I am._

She skipped returning to the foyer to make for the spiraling staircase that would take her to the second floor, then the third. She need a safe haven from all the watchers. Katie hadn't grown up as the center of attention. The shadows were where she thrived.

A number of false starts later, she found the upstairs balcony which overlooked the ballroom and offered a distant view of the green carpet outside the cement garden. More than the cooler air that slowed her racing heart, she found the man who made it race.

Ridge was leaning against the balustrade, nursing a gin and tonic when she stepped on the landing.

"I thought you'd still be with Brooke."

Ridge gave her a look.

"You and me, we're…_friends_." He cocked his head. "Is that what we are? Is that all?"

_He heard me._ This was supposed to be _their_ night.

"I don't know. I'm still trying to figure this out." Katie fiddled with her skirt, getting a twinge in her stomach at realizing the hem had caught on something and ripped.

"Do you know how you feel about me?"

"I know—I don't _know_ anything. I know this feels nothing like falling in love with Bill. Nick didn't feel like this, not exactly. You and I have been developing a bond since you came back." She approached him slowly, unsure of her welcome. "This connection just gets stronger and stronger. When I think about giving into it, when I think about going out and holding hands and making love to you…I _want all of it_. I want you and none of the pain that I know is coming and that I know I'll earn if we do this."

"You haven't earned any more hurt. You've been hurt enough. Bill and Brooke, that was enough. You've paid your debt to the cosmos. It's me that hasn't paid the piper. Let yourself want what we could have."

"It would be the same thing she did to me."

"No, it wouldn't. Don't let anybody convince you otherwise. What's between us isn't comparable to any other love story. You gotta have faith in that."

"I want to have faith, but then Brooke shows up and it's all shattered."

"I don't wanna talk about Brooke."

"We have to. You've been out with her, same as with me. How am I supposed to take that?"

"Exactly as you heard it. When I wanna have a meal on my own, I go to Bombay Osteria for the stuffed ravioli. Brooke's been known to find me. I don't invite her."

"And what do you do when she shows up?"

"What have I done since I got back? I grin and bear it. I let her say her piece and I leave. Has she tried to get me to come back to her? Yes. It hasn't worked. The simple fact is she no longer has anything I want."

"She's making it sound worse than it is."

"That's what she does. If she can arouse doubts, she's already scored points for undermining us."

Ridge met her halfway. She laced their fingers together, palm to palm, pulse to pulse.

"I took her to the restaurant to discuss RJ's custody arrangement. Since we're not getting back together, the schedule needs to be more structured. You saw how she responded to my inviting you to Paris. That's why we were together after I was in the park with you, which she hasn't mentioned, but she will. She wanted that to be turning point for her and me. She didn't get what she wanted. I can't give her a heart I've already given to you."

"If we were in your office right now, I'd finish what we started yesterday." Katie was all in.

"There's always the steam room."

"Not a chance."

"I love you, Katie. That's not a deception."

"I know."

The tuning of the orchestra's instruments in the performance hall rose to a fever pitch.

"We should head back down. I think the presentation's about to begin."

They watched the 'Make Your Fate' video presentation from the directly behind the orchestra section. It was a beautifully edited and presented by the HFTF staff. Katie was proud that the idea she'd given Hope had gone this far and managed to bring her niece this much good fortune. She did note, however, that it wasn't very reminiscent of the couture brand Forrester was known for. She was beginning to understand Ridge's ambivalence.

Dinner was served after the presentation had let out and they were fortunate enough to be seated at a table with Jack Abbott and his assistant Hilary instead of where the rest of the Forrester executives were gathered. _I say 'fortunate'…_ Katie sensed blood in the water. When Hilary and Jack had gone to deal with an emergency, she decided to inquire.

"Shouldn't you be with Eric and Rick? This is a big night for Hope for the Future."

"We're having some disagreements about how to move forward creatively at Forrester. Here is better."

"What did Brooke do?"

"Brooke isn't behind all of my problems."

"Sorry. She seems to be behind most of mine, so I just assumed."

Ridge kissed her fingers.

"She's not the root cause. Doesn't mean she isn't on the list. I've got a couple of things on my mind, but this is a ballroom and that's a dance floor. Let me take you for a spin."

The chamber orchestra took up a stirring classical piece.

"How's your waltz?"

"Good enough."

She hadn't waltzed since her wedding to Bill.

Right as Ridge was leading her around their third circuit of the floor, the younger Forrester heir stepped out of the performance hall and directly into their path. Ridge had to twirl her just so to avoid colliding with him.

"Ridge."

"Rick."

Katie bristled at the disappointed look her nephew shot in her direction. _Why me and not his mother?_

"I see you've traded my mother in for another model—again."

"I see you're still pretending your 'witty' observations are of interest to anyone who isn't married to you—again."

Caroline held Rick back, whispering calming nothings in his ear.

"It matters to those who matter; such as, I don't know, our father. Well, _my_ father."

Ridge went rigid beside her. Katie settled against him till he began to relax.

"You don't want to open that door, Junior."

"We both know I'll come out on top in that fight. I'm a Forrester. You're…whatever you call yourself."

"I'm the son our father _loved regardless._ You're whoever's your mother decided you were."

"Take that back."

"Not gonna happen."

"You're just going to let him talk about your sister that way?"

Katie hadn't wanted to get in the middle of this. She was one of Brooke's most rabid defenders in her day. _Not anymore._

"I didn't see you defending my honor when it was my husband who traded me in. I can't say I feel much sympathy for her."

"Golly, guess you're done playing the victim."

"That's your second strike, little brother. You don't get a third one."

"Neither do you, _big brother._ If you think I'm going to let you run Forrester into the ground with another scandal, you're crazy. You're nothing, you're nobody. We made it without you for over a year and we thrived. You'll see that soon enough."

"That was an impressive slew of words you managed to string together. Did your wife come up with that?"

Katie's long-suffering groan was covered by Caroline's indignation.

"Hey! Leave me out of it."

Ridge spared his young sister-in-law a tolerant glance. "She doesn't even want credit for that one. Probably a good call. You should try following her lead for a change."

Rick puffed up.

"Don't talk about my wife."

Ridge looked like he was laughing on the inside.

"Don't talk about the woman I love. You respect the people in my life and I'll respect the people in yours. Simple stuff. See if you can keep that straight."

"I won't be disrespected."

"Earn my respect."

"Why should I?"

Ridge rolled his shoulder.

"All right, this scene is giving me a migraine. You gotta make up your mind. Do you want me to respect your work ethic, what there is of it, or do you want the moral high ground where you get to spit in my face despite how you treated Steffy? You don't get both." Ridge clicked his tongue. "Let's be honest, you're not getting either, but I wanna get your take."

"You're not God's gift to this company."

"I never said I was."

"No? You strut back here like you own the place-"

"I own one-fifth of the 'place' where you put your feet up while Caroline does the heavy lifting. Before you were a twinkle in our father's eye, I was helping him put that 'place' on the map."

"And then you ran away like a preschooler who got his feelings hurt."

"I went to Paris, where the international arm of our company is located. It's not that far, I know you've been there, but I could draw you a map. Can you read maps or didn't you earn that badge in Boy Scouts?"

"Read my lips: You're not getting Forrester."

"Read mine: I already _have_ Forrester. Doesn't matter if I'm president or not. When people in fashion hear the name Forrester, they think of Dad and they think of me, not you. I don't see that changing."

"Dad won't stand for this."

"I don't need Dad's permission to seek a higher office."

"You know damn well that's not what I mean."

"Since work is the only topic up for discussion, I certainly do."

"Katie—"

"Don't. Talk. About. Katie."

"Somebody should."

"You wouldn't be my first choice."

Katie might have spoken on her own behalf were this fight about her and not the bad blood that ran deep between Rick and Ridge. _I'm just an easy target._ This was a night to pick her battles.

Eric gave up watching from the sidelines to separate his sons.

"What's going on over here? You're making a scene."

Ridge inclined his chin and straightened out his tux. "Nothing. We're done here."

Rick stepped toward their father. "I don't think so."

"You don't think much. That we can agree on."

Eric put up a hand to stay Ric's next comeback.

"Let's not do this. It's been a good night. Let's everyone go home and rest up. We'll deal with this in the morning."

"I'll be skipping that meeting. I don't have anything else to say."

"That's the Ridge Forrester way, skipping all the parts where he's called to the carpet for his actions."

Ridge cocked his head as he regarded his youngest brother.

"If I wanted to listen to you complain, I'd spend another minute here with you. Alas, I've got other plans." He glanced back at Katie. "Let's go home."

Katie was more than ready to head for higher ground. "With pleasure."

"Congratulations on tonight's success. Give my best to Hope." She nodded at both of them and followed Ridge out of the Opera.

After calling for their car, Ridge wandered over to the reflecting pool of the Taper Forum to stare up at the stars instead of making for the carpet. She hazarded an arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. This was giving back.

"That was exciting."

"How fast are you planning to run in the other direction to get away from us?"

"In these heels, I'd need a two-day head start and I still wouldn't get very far."

He let out a huff of a laugh.

"I'm no stranger to dysfunctional families, Ridge. I'm a Logan. I have my brother's heart in my chest. How could I judge you or them? I won't run."

"How do I know that?"

"You'll just have to keep an eye on me until you're sure."

"That's something I think I can do."

Under cover of starlight, Katie kissed the man she adored, who adored her right back.

_Not a bad way to spend an evening._

Katie and Ridge exited the Forum by way of the forest green carpet where the journalists and photographers were waiting to see who would leave well-dressed wrecks in the night.

"Ms. Spencer! Mr. Forrester! Look this way!"

Ridge ignored them he was so accustomed to their interference in his daily life. Katie instinctively shielded her face from the flashbulbs going off in her line of sight.

"Katie! Katie, who designed your dress?!"

Katie gritted her teeth. The question was reasonable, designed to foster a false sense of security until they could hit her with one that really hurt. _If publishing has taught me anything, it's never buy the soft sell._

"Come on, Katie, you're coming and going with big sister's legendary lover. Give us something."

_There it is._

Ridge placed a protective hand at the small of her back. "Stay classy, fellas."

Kate shot a perfunctory glare back toward the ballroom. This was to have been their night.

From the balcony above, Liam raised his glass to Katie. She pegged him instantly as the course of the leak. _The Spencer men strike again._ Kate could count on Liam to do what he thought was best for her. _Despite the fact that he's unable to do it for himself._ He meant well. Katie was likely to smack him if he tried again. She wasn't a child; this was her fate to make from here on.

The reporters toiled merrily, tossing all sorts of questions their way. Katie wanted to be done with it all. No more hedging or pretending. _This isn't a rumor anymore. This is our life._

"Are you two an item? Our readers are dying to know."

Katie stopped; and then, Ridge with her. Every intimate moment they two had shared had been leading up to this. She made a decision.

_This can't be happening._ But it was.

"Yes. Yes, we're together. We're very happy."

The flashing lights got brighter, the shouting louder.

"I love him." Katie waved the white flag on deceiving anybody else. "I love him. That's all you're getting. Good night."

She took Ridge's hand and pulled him to the limousine that was waiting to take them home. They crawled in the backseat and regarded each other, silent, in the dark.

"Did I just tell the world I'm in love with you?"

"That's what I heard. How's it feel?"

"Outstanding."

"Freeing?"

"_Freeing!_"

She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

"Let's go somewhere."

"Anywhere in particular?"

"I have somewhere in mind."

Sensing that he was choosing to be mysterious settled in to enjoy the ride, lulled by the nonsense Ridge was tracing on her thigh.

Before long the limo was rolling to a smooth stop.

"We're here."

Ridge opened the door and offered his hand to help her out of the backseat.

It was their place. Where the city met the ocean and lost men found themselves. _Where lost people find each other._

"What made you want to come here?"

"This is the place where my life started to change for the better. There was plenty of bad before you. Now there's a lot of good. Coming back here seemed right."

Katie turned her head and blinked in confusion.

"The car's here."

"I had the driver bring it by while we were at dinner."

"You had plans for me."

"When you want to get away, you don't want witnesses. I don't want any; I want you."

He picked her up and spun her in a circle before setting her back on her feet.

"Same here."

Ridge skimmed the planes of her face with his fingertips.

"Dance with me. We got interrupted last time; we gotta make up for that"

Katie looked around at their place. It wasn't much of a dance floor. "Here?"

"Anywhere."

Katie felt silly, all dressed up with no one to impress. "There's no music."

Ridge ducked back into the car to fiddle with his sound system.

Strains of a crooning balladeer filled the cool night air.

_Nightfall we're brushing past your town__  
Destination not you my one  
The driver doesn't know way down  
How deep these bright-eyed feelings run  
I've no intention of confessing today  
I need to make distance a while  
But miles don't make your image fade  
They don't erase this secret smile_

Ridged offered Katie his hand and she could only accept.

"I think you're stunning no matter what you're wearing and no matter where we are."

"I don't know what to believe. You want me, not my sister. Brooke is really alone and I'm not supposed to care about that, but I do."

"Because it isn't fair?"

"Because this," she gestured between them, "doesn't happen to me."

Ridge nudged her chin up so she'd meet his eyes. "It does now."

_ "You've been in front of me my whole life. How did I not see you? You're the most beautiful and amazing woman I've ever met. _How could I not fall in love with you?_"_

"This is the first time you've seen me. It feels so good to be seen."

He thumbed tears from under her eyes.

"I feel exactly the same way. I never saw you coming."

They danced around their place in lazy circles until the keep got too windy to bear and they climbed in the car to watch the ocean rage. They talked about the future for hours, and the only one they could see together was bright.


	9. June, Pt III

**June, Part III**

Katie was on cloud nine for the rest of the month and she didn't care who knew. None had the power to bring her down from this great height, because love when it was good was magnificent. _Love doesn't come more magnificent than this._

Katie was weighing the benefits of spending the afternoon in the park reading Donne poems versus staying to read another mind numbing feature proposal. The 'what would $Bill do' game wasn't much use as a decision maker in this instance.

"I've been trying to get in touch with you for a couple of weeks, but you're almost impossible to catch."

Adele followed Hope in, as visibly frustrated as Katie had ever seen her. _She's no match for the Logan persistence. No mere mortal is._

"It's all right, Adele. I'll take it from here. Hello, Hope. Thank you for calling ahead. Knocking. Asking me if I'm busy. Please, have a seat."

The look her niece gave her was pure Brooke. Katie settled in for what was sure to be a scintillating screed.

"For your information, I haven't been ignoring you, I've been finalizing the details on the Spencer-Forrester poetry competition. Since Forrester is sponsoring, I've been in nonstop meetings with Legal and Accounting, but everything is working out swimmingly. We're right on target for autumn."

Hope put her hands in her lap. She was obviously working to rein in her emotions.

"We have to talk about the gala."

"We don't have to do anything."

"That was a fiasco. You have to see that."

"I see an incredible night that I spent with an incredible man. I'm sorry if the night didn't turn out as well for you." Rick and Brooke's contributions notwithstanding, Katie would live that evening over again given the chance.

"You swore to me there was nothing between you and Ridge."

"I was wrong, clearly. I acknowledge that. Can we talk about this some other time? Or, better yet, never talk about it? Brooke's a big girl, she can argue with me on her own behalf."

"She's devastated."

"I'm sorry." Katie reconsidered. "You know what, that's a lie. I didn't mean to fall in love with him. That doesn't mean I'm sorry I did."

"What am I supposed to say to that? Aunt Katie, what are you doing?"

"I don't know. Nothing? This is the way things are for right now. Ridge and I are a couple and we're happy."

"I heard, well, _saw_. The video's up on TMZ. Pam's been fielding calls for days; they're even trickling over to our offices. I don't know what Liam must be dealing with."

"He hasn't said anything."

"He's covering for you."

"Tell him I can handle it." Katie would tell him as much herself later on.

"How sure are you? This can't be a fling. Too much is riding on what you both do to risk a negative turn in public opinion on lust. I mean, is that what this is or is this the real deal?"

"I'll get back to you as soon as I have that figured out myself."

Hope gaped.

"I love him, Hope. He loves me. He's been proving it in a hundred microscopic ways for months and I've been too blinded by what Brooke and Bill did to me to let myself love him back. Once I'd finally given myself permission to feel the way I do, I realized I _had_ been loving him as much as he loved me." Seeing her niece's unwavering skepticism, Katie worked that much harder to put words to this…thing. _There aren't always words. _ "We called it something else, but it's been a love story for a long time."

"Does this so-called love story mean more to you than my mother, _your sister's_ feelings?"

"It has to. If I don't make my own happiness, I won't have any. This is my happiness and it's worth just about anything. You told me to follow my heart."

"This isn't where I wanted it to lead you."

"That was never going to be up to you. Our hearts want what they want. All we can choose, at the end of the day, is how we act on that desire. We can ignore it and go through life that much less fulfilled or we can take the happiness offered to us. I chose to be happy just like you did and just like Brooke did. I won't allow anyone, not you, and not your mother, to call that a mistake."

"She isn't going to let this go."

"Giving up isn't the Logan way. We get mad, we get even, and we take what we believe we deserve. I expect a fight. I'm not scared anymore, and I have no plans to lose."

**…**

Reading later-breaking articles on that night cemented Katie's resolve:

_"The publisher has brought wit to the artist, and the artist has brought soul to the publisher. _

_It cannot be denied that they were the talk of the evening, business and fashion's newest IT couple, Katie Logan Spencer, CEO of Spencer Publications, and Ridge Forrester, head designer and former CEO of Forrester Creations. They charmed the viewing public from their first 'green carpet' interview in coordinated Forrester Couture originals to their adoring first dance at the Hope for the Future belated summer 2014 event. But for awkward family ties and chilly family affairs, this couple can do no wrong._

_According to several sources close to Forrester and Spencer, the dynamic duo are set to announce a slew of joint projects which will elevate both industry giants in the public sphere and in their bottom lines. Whether they have what it takes to last, with their joint ventures soaring, there is little doubt that this new Spencer-Forrester partnership has the potential to make as big an impression on the rest of the corporate world, and the public, as they've obviously made on each other."_


	10. July, Pt I

**July, Part I**

Katie signed off on another press release. _Morale is up. Profits are _finally_ ticking up. We're back in business._ Today's staff meeting had gone well on the whole. Her presidents and VPs were cautiously optimistic about the coming quarter. Saffron, head of Accounting, finally seemed like she might be able to lay off the antacids.

She spun her sturdy office chair, gleeful that she could tell her nosy ex-husband where to stick it the next time he asked how _his_ company was running. _Beautifully. Spencer is running beautifully. That's how you rule, iron fist in a velvet glove. I didn't have to commit corporate espionage either._ Katie had learned from the worst and it hadn't been easy.

When her assistant came for their morning breakout session, Katie handed off a sheaf of legal documents to be rushed to Legal. Katie knew the Spencer competitors too well, and was perpetually filing paperwork to cover their interests.

"After you fast-track those to the legal department, would you have Bertie Aldon and Joey Reeves resend their PIT financial summaries? I'm seeing some discrepancies between this set and the last quarter earnings reports. They might be typos, but I can't evaluate typos. Have them upload them online, I'll review them on the intranet. Nobody even has to leave their offices."

"Got it, boss."

"Thanks."

She was all set to move on to the next task on her packed to-do list when Justin Barber, legal eagle, her ex-brother-in-law and all-around stooge to her former husband, barged into her office well ahead of their scheduled meeting. Adele presented him sarcastically, eyebrows raised. _She deserves a raise._ Katie made a note of it.

"Justin, what brings you to my office _early_?"

She gestured for him to sit and he did, as casually as Bill would have in her presence.

"I have some concerns."

"Such as?"

"You and I don't have the best relationship anymore. It's not conducive a sterling performance from me."

"Perhaps not."

"I am, however, still official counsel for this office."

"You are, for now."

He narrowed his eyes in response.

"I can't do my job if I don't have access. I've been shut out of your inner circle and that hampers my ability to represent this office well. _I want to do the best job that I can for you."_

_"Thanks. _But_, I don't have a problem with your work."_

_"But I can do so much more."_

She would resign first.

_"For me or for Bill? Because we all know that your loyalty is to him, so please don't try to deny it."_

_"We used to be friends, Katie. _We used to be family. _Can't we get past all this animosity?"_

Katie scoffed to keep from bristling. _The audacity of the people in my life is astounding. How did I get so lucky?_

_"After what you and Bill did l_ast year_?_ _No way._ You have exactly as much responsibility as I believe I can trust you with and you won't get an inch more."

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"I'm very certain." Katie crossed her legs under her desk, making herself that much more at home in a seat she didn't intend to leave. "But you are right, we were family. _You were married to my sister, you're the father of her child. And no one will deny your value to this company._ Nevertheless, by all rights, you should be fired, you should be long gone." Katie sat back to properly inspect the man before her. "_But what can I say, it's a character flaw: I'm loyal to people who aren't loyal to me. Because we all know you're Bill's right hand man and nothing more._ Trusting you would be tantamount to career suicide. I'm not prepared to risk you."

"My loyalty is to this company."

"Don't make me laugh—really, don't." She dropped the smile. "_You're his _minion, _his little puppet, _and you're just not ready to cut the strings, so I'm going to give you the smallest possible stage to make a mess. This is the end of the road, Justin. _If you're looking for career growth, I suggest you look elsewhere."_

Justin's nostrils flared. _Temper, temper._ Katie's suppressed a triumphant grin.

"_You can't forgive me?_ _I was just trying to help a friend."_

Katie's lashes fluttered in response to the utter bullshit he was attempting to blind her with, yet again. She leaned forward.

_"You tried to con me."_

_"Getting Bill get what he deserved."_

_"By getting him my job? My son? You helped him _play_ me. _Is that the act of a loyal friend? Who needs friends like that? I don't. _No, signing those papers was the worst mistake I've ever made._ You helped make that happen. On its own that's reason enough to be wary of you. If Brooke hadn't destroyed those papers, I would have lost everything. Never let it be said that sisterhood doesn't stand for something." _Brooke isn't a monster. She has that much family devotion._

"Are you unwilling to negotiate on this point?"

"We just negotiated, and you proved once again why you cannot be allowed any greater influence over this office. Thank you for coming. Let Adele know if and when you'd like to meet again."

Justin stood, fastening the single button of his blazer. "I'm sorry things have to be this way."

"So am I."

He left more calmly than he'd entered. _I'm going to need another primary attorney._

Katie sighed before resolving to put that meeting behind her.

Adele knocked her telltale knock on Katie's office door.

"Come in."

Katie flipped to the last page of _Eye on Fashion'_s point-in-time financial summary. _That's enough 'Hope for the Future' features, Liam._ She wrote as much in red pen in the margins.

Adele emerged from the outer office to shut the door firmly behind her. "I just got word that Karen Spencer is coming for a visit."

"I know. She's borrowing my office to interview for the Rome division—which you already know."

Adele shook her head, the gesture full of meaning. "That's not the only reason. The NYC division has been hearing rumblings about the L.A. office. Karen has been hearing them. She's worried."

Katie absently swapped the financial summary for the status report on Spencer's upcoming literary magazine, the _Creatives' Quarterly_.

"According to whom?"

Her assistant seemed to weigh the odds.

"Adele, if I'm about to be ambushed, I'd like to know who wants my head on a pike." Katie waved her toward the seat Justin had vacated. "Sit. Talk to me."

Adele folded her hands together.

"The division assistants communicate to coordinate travel arrangements and conference appointments. We all talk, from every division, from every department, on every continent; all of them. We usually know when this company is in for a change before the executives do."

"You file the paperwork; that makes sense." Katie twiddled her pen, not because she wasn't worried, but because she was. Adele was level-headed, she would only worry if there was a need. _We have a mole._

"Somebody's been sending false reports to the New York division. Word is they make you look bad, and the L.A. division seem like it's in trouble. Rumor has it someone is manipulating earnings reports and distributing them to potential investors." Adele passed her a folded magazine. It was one of their rival publications. "I saw this on the newsstand at the corner store this morning." Adele headed off Katie's objections half-formed, "I know you don't like to read their stuff. It's this source. The source sounds like somebody who knows what they're saying."

'_Forrester Love the Spencer Corporate Kryptonite? Story on page 8.'_

Katie stared daggers at the poisonous headline and turned to page 8.

_"Everybody knows that everybody lies, but nobody lies like the Spencer brood. _

_The multibillion-dollar empire is in turmoil after its CEO stepped out with heir to spiritual rival Forrester Creations at a company event last month._

_'Company loyalists are jumping ship like rats on a sinking ship. I'll tell ya, this company won't survive Katie Logan. Take it from me, I've seen heads come and go and people have never been this scared for their jobs,' spoke an inside source on the condition of anonymity. _

_Could our source be right? Documents provided by our source confirm that morale is down and profits are lower despite positive reception in the industry for new company policies tendered by Logan in her brief tenure._

_See page 13 for editorial commentary from publishing industry insiders: What's the problem? Logan or an entrenched corporate culture?"_

Katie forewent the additional commentary.

_This isn't true. I've seen the numbers. _She had crunched them personally.

"Have there been other articles like this?"

"More and more by the day. I didn't pay any attention to them. There's usually a balance of positive and negative coverage on the company, but the balance has started to tip _out_ of our favor, which hasn't happened before."

"How long have you known about this?"

"This part, awhile. But the false earnings reports, I've known about that for two days. I found a note on my desk blotter. I don't know who left it," Adele rushed to clarify. "I don't know how long these false reports have been circulating or who would go so far to bring you down."

Katie slumped in her leather chair.

"I can think of one or two candidates. Thank you for letting me know." Katie stiffened her spine, readying herself to face the struggle ahead. "Here's where your job gets harder. I need quarterly earnings reports for every department in the L.A. division going back six months. Then, I need overall earnings for L.A. stratified by quarter for the same time period. _And then_, I need media reports of our earnings and earnings projections from all the usual suspects, including rival publications. Something tells me our saboteur has been practicing."

Adele was heatedly scribbling Katie's directives. "This will take a couple of days."

"Draft any help you need from the other offices. If anybody so much as sighs, direct them to me."

Katie rested her hands on her desk and tried to get her head around all this. _Bill didn't put up enough of a fuss. This has been the calm before the storm._ "One last thing. Would you please call Liam and have him come to my office? I need a word with my vice president."

"Consider it done."

"Thank you, Adele. You might have just saved my job."

Adele inclined her head and made her exit, solemn. Katie wasn't in a much better mood.

Liam was in front her desk ten minutes later.

"Have you been monitoring the rival press situation?"

Liam hovered a second before being seated. "I…no? Is there a rival press situation?"

"Liam, we're being pounded by our rivals and in the national press. Tell me you're in the loop on this."

"I would love to tell you I'm all over this, but I haven't got so much as a memo. I get regular status reports from PR and there's nothing that I can see that would indicate a problem."

"Could they be gas lighting _both_ of us?" Katie hadn't seen any indication that Liam was out of favor with his father. Bill might have had unique ideas about parenting, but he wasn't cruel; he wouldn't humiliate his son.

"Who's they?"

"Someone within the company is passing falsified internal memos to the press to drive our numbers down. Does that sound like anyone we know?"

"Please tell me my dad isn't behind this."

Katie's silence was telling.

"This is nuts. What does he gain by wrecking Spencer's image? That's money out of his pocket. This is his legacy he's flushing down the toilet."

"If he can make me look bad enough, Karen will have no choice but to have the Board vote me out and reinstate him. I'm pretty sure that's his rationale."

"That isn't a rationale, that's a fever dream. You're kidding me right now. Tell me you're kidding."

There was nothing to say.

"I will get to the bottom of this. Talk to my Aunt Karen. Give her all the assurances you need to that everything is fine. Leave this to me."

"I'm counting on you."

"You've trusted me this far. Give me another inch. I've got this—I _will_ get this."

"Done. Get to work."

"Yes, ma'am."

Liam donned his trusty messenger bag and hightailed it out of her office.

Katie checked her watch. She had her bi-annual checkup this afternoon that Adele had taken the liberty of scheduling during Karen's temporary takeover. _That's not for another hour._ Katie was in dire need of a pick-me-up and it just so happened she knew exactly the man for the job.

Katie gave him a call.

"What are you doing in ten minutes?"

"Anything you want."


	11. July, Part II

**July, Part II**

All things considered, Katie thought it best to postpone meeting Karen face to face until she had the facts on her side. She made her getaway by way of her office's side exit, allowing Adele to make her excuses. _A performance bonus is more than in order for her this year._ She was going to have to dip into her own salary to justify the expense.

Katie met Ridge at their favorite rendezvous spot in the park.

He was seated near to the foot of the amphitheater where the three-piece band went about the business of filling the air with song. She let the easy beats be a balm on her frazzled nerves. Her troubles seemed to fade into the background with each step she took toward the round.

Will was hale and each day growing stronger and handsomer. She was starting to make a lasting mark on Spencer Publications. A position that had once been something of a war prize was becoming a job she was proud to do. This wasn't Bill's company alone, this was their legacy to leave to their son. That Katie now got to contribute to that gave her a sense of accomplishment matched only by bringing Will into the world.

She aspired to be a woman her son could look up to. And she felt she was getting there.

Ridge checked his watch, bringing to mind Katie's approaching appointment.

She found her thoughts tended to grow light and optimistic, and not a little forgetful, when she laid eyes on Ridge. As sappy as it was to think, he had awoken the believer in her. The healing capacity of love was real.

She eased onto the bleachers a couple of rows up from Ridge's turned back.

"Don't you get tired of being so handsome?"

He glanced at her over his shoulder, a twist of humor at the corner of his mouth.

"You ever get sick of being that damned beautiful?"

Katie rolled her shoulders, all too aware of the heat of his scrutiny.

"I can't say it bothers me."

He fixed her with a long, consuming stare of a cursed man who'd at long last rediscovered his luck and never intended to let it go. She'd never tire of being looked at that way.

Ridge beckoned her to come down to his level, hand outstretched.

"You're too far away. Sit with me."

Katie let him guide her over the stone benches separating them. Heels weren't the most practical attire for impromptu hikes, but she managed to make it to the sanctuary of his side unhurt.

She folded her leg under her to settle on the stone bench he'd claimed for his own.

Ridge eyed their positions.

"Why're you all the way over there?"

"If I were any closer, I'd be in your lap."

He skimmed a knuckle up her thigh.

"See, that sounds like an excellent idea to me."

"Not that you have ulterior motives for getting your hands on me."

"Ulterior? I thought I was being obvious."

"You're an enigma. I can never tell exactly what's happening in that head of yours." She slid her fingers up the back of his neck in his hair, smoldering at his admonishing rumble.

"You're saying I should make my motives a bit more _explicit_," he retorted, rendering the word filthy with unspoken intent. This was the crux of their affair. Each and every declaration of love was met by a mutual respect was nourished by an uninhibited craving for each other. Portioning out loving Ridge from lusting after him from needing him as part of her life wasn't happening. This was one relationship where she was permitted to have it all. And she wanted it all, all the time.

"I'm saying you're doing a lot of talking for a man of action."

Ridge took up his favored pastime of tracing images onto her body. He made the flare of her hip his page, drawing tight circles and whorls that strayed under the hem of her top.

"What are you designing this time?"

"I can't tell you that. If I told you, I'd have to kiss you."

Katie braced herself on his thigh and leant up to brush their lips together softly, the kiss little more than hint of a promised touch.

"I…"

"Shh."

She grazed his mouth with hers, lightly skimming the hard edge of her teeth along his lower lip.

"Katie." His voice had grown husky, dumbstruck.

"Shh."

He followed her progress, trying to capture her lips with his, but couldn't quite catch her to stop her, didn't quite seem to want her to stop. The trail of languid kisses she blazed under his jaw was met with equal surrender, save a sudden clinch of his fingers at her waist when her lips met his fluttering pulse.

When their eyes met, she discovered that Ridge's gaze, dark by nature, had grown darker still. _I'll never get sick of that._

Katie grabbed his lapels and drew him down into a languorous kiss.

He deepened the contact, flicking the single button of her blazer loose to slide his hand inside and press between her shoulders. Like a warm fire in an ice storm, he wanted her closer. She was the same, inching over till she was all but in his lap. Ridge pulled her the rest of the way, cradling her face as she made herself comfortable in his arms. When they kissed, they kissed with their whole bodies, lips were just a start.

A gruff cough brought Katie and Ridge back to themselves, and to the park. She didn't try to pinpoint its origin; the message had come through loud and clear. Katie wasn't one to act out, but she had no intention of being cowed by strangers.

They parted unhurriedly of their own accord, Katie sliding off her lap, only a jot sheepish.

"Tell me."

Ridge huffed, "I can't remember. God, I can't, I can't remember." He wet his lips, intent as he was on hers. "You're still trouble. You're gonna ruin my reputation and get me arrested for public indecency, because I swear if you kiss me like that again in public, I can't be held responsible for my actions."

Katie stroked the side of his neck.

"And what actions do you have in mind?"

He cupped her cheek.

_"Je vais vous faire hurler pour moi."_ He kissed each corner of her mouth. "Look that up and get back to me."

She nodded dumbly, more aroused than she'd been with his hands all over her. Ridge's voice had the power to devastate with hello. French hadn't been in the cards.

She made a valiant effort to put her recollection of Ridge's rasping command to bed. _Don't think about beds._ Katie's imagination was a breeding ground of bad—_marvelous_—ideas in proximity to Ridge Forrester. Kissing him in full view of the public was asking for more media coverage she didn't need, yet the compulsion to do so outweighed her fear of the risks. _I signed on for this. Love shouldn't be a secret._ If only her lust didn't feel so obvious.

Ridge squeezed her knee.

"You look like you could do with a cool down. I got you something."

Ridge reached down to the level below to retrieve a paper cup that he promptly offered to her. It was startlingly blue raspberry Italian ice, which she was only too glad to take off his hands in the heat of the day.

"It's sort of melted now, but it got hot while I was waiting and it made me think of you."

"What did I do to deserve this special treat?" Katie sampled a tangy mouthful using the handy red spoon sticking out of the candied mound and hummed her bliss, feeling calmer at once. There were days when her life was rife with a baker's dozen tiny treasures. Ridge remembering her love of Italian ice was today's number four.

"You called."

"You're moving up in my speed dial."

"There's more where that came from." He moved the icy confection aside to kiss her once again. She noticed belatedly how he tasted of tropical fruit and lemon zest, and poked at him accusingly.

"You had two!"

"Prove it."

Katie initiated another kiss, purely for investigative purposes. She had to get to the bottom of this mystery.

"Mango. Lemons."

She could just about tear her eyes from his lips.

"That's not proof."

"Maybe not, but it's a good enough excuse to keep kissing you."

"You don't need an excuse. You have an express invitation."

"Damn right."

The band struck up a sensual, twanging ballad as he dipped her backward to resume their earlier activities.

Ridge's phone vibrated against her ribs inside his jacket. He grunted. _Work never ends_, she thought, petulant.

"I should let you go. You're probably as busy as I am." She was unenthused about the workload sure to await her at home.

Ridge swept his hand down her side, alighting every nerve in his wake.

"There's no rush. Forrester is chugging along fine without me."

"Is this about Rick? You two still haven't made up?"

Ridge swiped a spoonful of melting raspberry ice.

"You can't really make up with a guy you've never gotten along with. Conflict is normal for us."

"What happened this time?"

"Rick and I had it out in the boardroom because I want to be president. I want to be president, he wants me to go to hell. You can imagine how productive that meeting was."

"What did Eric say?"

"That Rick had gone a good job acting as steward in my absence and he was proud of his accomplishments. Next he mentioned some of the work I did at International that Rick didn't know about. He said he was proud of his sons and wanted us to get along for the sake of the company legacy. 'Ambition should unite us, not divide us.'"

"Pithy," Katie granted. "He didn't want to choose between his sons. I don't blame him. Can you?"

"There's a big part of me that feels like Rick's in my way. I'm the heir apparent, the firstborn—that should be my job."

"Rick's earned _some_ credit."

"Even after the way he talked to you at the gala?"

"That's a separate issue. He's my nephew, regardless of whether Brooke and I are getting along. Moreover, he makes Caroline happy. He supports her work, he loves her. She feels secure now that they're together and expecting a baby, and that's what I care about. As long as I let him do all the talking, I get to meet my grand-niece or –nephew. I don't care what he says, I know the truth. It wasn't destiny that brought us together; it's what we chose."

"Yes, it was. I'm just not sure how long I can keep this up at FC."

"What's the alternative?" Katie recalled the employee boilerplate contract from her time as CEO. "There's still the non-compete clause to work around if you decide to resign."

"Resignation isn't much of an option, but if I get fired, the possibilities are endless. Involuntary termination voids the non-compete. I spoke to Carter about it."

"You want to get fired intentionally from your family company?"

"I don't want to, I'm not sure there's another way out."

"Eric might be willing to buy out your employee contract."

"Once I ask to be released from my non-compete that talk will break down."

"He'd take it personally."

"That's why I gotta get fired. We make it a clean break and go to our separate corners to cool off and we're playing happy family again by the holidays. Call it a risk of doing business." Ridge inspected his hands. "That's if my brother doesn't find out. If Rick cops to this, he'll keep me under his thumb designing knee socks until I'm seventy. I won't make it."

Katie pulled his hand into her lap. His nimbler fingers intuitively entwined with hers.

"These kinds of decisions can't be unmade. This borders on chicanery and I'm not sure you can come back from it if going it alone doesn't work out."

"Maybe it's time for me to make that kind of choice. Nothing is ever permanent as it stands, everything inevitably snaps back to how it was. Something must change for good and maybe I'm it."

"What did Carter have to say?"

"He suggested I watch my step."

Ridge raised her hand to his life to kiss each of her fingers one by one.

"That's the best advice you could take under the circumstances. What else?"

"Short version, he advised me to shut my mouth and let whatever would happen, happen. Some of the language is fuzzy enough that I could still be sued for breach of contract if it was found that I'd arranged my own termination by 'dishonest means or manipulation.'"

"Eric wouldn't go through with a suit against you. He's your father."

"Rick's my brother and he's just waiting for his first chance to shove me out the door." Ridge rubbed his eyes. "He's about to get his best shot."

"But what happened _today?_ I can see that it's bothering you."

"You haven't told me about _your_ day yet."

Katie continued eating her fruity confection with gusto. With only two things in her favor at present, she intended to enjoy both to the fullest.

"Now that I'm with you, my day is looking up."

"I have that kind of power over you?"

Katie scrunched her nose. "I pride myself on trying to stand alone and keep my own counsel. That's a lonely, sometimes, _oftentimes_ fruitless endeavor. Whatever anyone might say, this is good for me. If our life were a heavyweight fight, you'd be my coach, telling me to keep swinging and to get up no matter how many times I got knocked down. That's what you do to me."

"That's what you've been for me for much longer than you can comprehend. You look at me sometimes like you think I'm about to change my mind. You're waiting on what feels inevitable. I get that, I won't tell you to stop. That's not my right. Just…if it were possible to describe the power you have over me, I don't know what I'd run out of first, words or breath. That's what you do to me."

Loving him more was nigh on impossible. How had they gotten to this point so soon?

Katie handed over her Italian ice. "All yours."

"Thanks. Maybe number three's the charm."

"Tell me what happened."

"I made a rookie mistake—I let my ego outmatch my good sense and made a stupid power play without shoring up support."

Ridge's attempted coups were the stuff of Forrester legend.

"That must have gone over well."

"Brooke wasn't happy."

"Why was Brooke at Forrester? I thought she had been banished to the catacombs for being a walking scandal."

Ridge outlined how the meeting had gone, giving special attention to Brooke's display of maternal offense. Katie got a brain freeze from the combined effects of Italian ice and her sister's timely moral outrage.

"You probably could have planned that better."

"To say the least." He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "You think I'm kind of a spoiled brat, don't you?"

"I didn't say that," she rushed to clarify ahead of his blooming smirk.

"I am. I'm used to being the favored son and that's made me cocky. I'll be paying for that."

"Eric wasn't trying to punish you."

"You haven't heard the best part. Get this. Dad's solution to Rick's insecurity and Brooke's worries was to make us co-vice presidents."

"That…seems a fair compromise." _And utterly doomed to fail._ Rick and Ridge shared no common ground other than their father and the company each had dedicated their lives to.

"We're going to kill each other at this rate."

"There's a good chance since you and Rick hate each other."

"I don't mean me and Rick, I mean me and Brooke. Dad brought in a ringer; Brooke's my new co-VP."

Katie's Italian ice was no longer so appetizing, even on Ridge's lips.

"Be joking."

"I'm not that funny."

"Eric—he can't be serious. Why Brooke? Why not Rick? Why not _Caroline_?"

"You're not gonna like it."

"I already don't like it. How could I like it less?"

"Dad wants me and Brooke back together. He feels like we're the future of Forrester, her and me."

"Do you agree with him?"

"We're the history of Forrester in some ways, not the future. My future is with you."

"What does Brooke think about Eric's decision?" Katie could guess.

"She laughed. I didn't think it was funny. It was a little insulting, having my own father try to bribe me like I don't have a mind of my own. I didn't just fall in love with you, I chose to be with you. Suddenly my choices aren't good enough to satisfy my father."

"He's doing what he thinks is right." Katie disagreed with his thoughts, not that she had any business weighing in, despite her twitchy thumb dying to dial Eric's number.

"It's not right for Forrester. He hasn't consulted me and doesn't seem to give a damn what I think or what I want. I didn't expect that."

"I'm sorry he let you down."

"It's not forever. An arrangement like this isn't tenable. Brooke will block me at every turn. Rick will help her. My hands are tied."

She leaned against his shoulder.

"You staged a failed coup. How's it feel?"

"Like failure. Not that great."

Katie sat up to give him a second look. He was annoyed, sure, but she'd seen him angrier.

"You don't sound as upset as I thought you would."

"I'm a firm believer in always having a backup plan." Ridge hummed, contemplative. "It also never hurts to have a lawyer in your corner."

_Bill's not the only man in my life with a plan._

Katie phone sounded an alarm. She didn't have to look at the screen to know what time it was. She clicked on the power button to put the phone to sleep.

"I approve of that choice and I'm looking forward to hearing the details of whatever you have up your sleeve. On that note, I have to be going. I have a doctor's appointment. Karen's using my office, so I won't have to worry about rushing, but I'd like to get this over with and get back to my day."

"Nothing too serious, I hope."

"Nothing at all. It's a routine checkup. They like to see about my heart from time to time to be sure it's ticking along the way it's supposed to."

Ridge touched the neckline of her blouse where it hid her transplant scar.

"Stormie's heart is your heart now. His love for you combined with your zest for life makes it the strongest heart this town's ever seen. This'll be a piece of cake."

"Thank you."

"No problem." Ridge gave his phone a cursory scroll and then shut it off entirely with a grimace. "Could you use some company?"

Katie leaned down to retrieve her handbag from the ground where it had fallen earlier.

"At the doctor? Why would you want to spend an afternoon in a doctor's office? You could be sketching."

"I'm an artist. Have paper, will sketch. I don't need my office for that. All I need is a little inspiration."

"I'd hate for you to bite off more than you can chew."

_That look again._ Ridge regarded her in thorough assessment.

"Nah, I think you're just right."

**….**

Ridge and Katie travelled to the doctor's office together in companionable silence, each preoccupied with their phones. Liam was giving her a continual byplay of the Spencer subversion plot. How many negative. How many positive. Who and when. Katie's vision blurred from staring at the ultra-bright screen.

Upon pulling up outside the medical center, Katie cut off her phone out of habit.

"You don't have to sit with me, Ridge. This probably won't be much fun for you."

There was paperwork to complete, a checkup, the inevitable intrusive questions. _Will he want to come in? Am I ready to share that much of my life with him?_

He hoisted a shoulder in a lack of concern. "I'm where I want to be."

"You're supposed to be pitching your new line today, not sitting in a doctor's office with me."

"Caroline and Aly can handle it. It's a done deal. This is just a first concept get together."

This was ineffective at allaying Katie's concern.

"That sounds important."

"I left my sketches in their capable hands. _Defiant_ is a-go."

"Where did you come up with that name? You didn't have one last month."

"The models walked the first dozen sample ensembles yesterday. It was a perfect run-through. I couldn't have asked for better. They all looked cool and calm and confident. They had attitude, had a bit of give 'em hell in them. They reminded me of you."

Katie's ensuing chuckle was joyless.

"You can't be serious. I don't give anybody hell."

"You gave Steffy three kinds on Hope's behalf and Bill the same on your own. You're capable of it."

Katie swallowed, ill at ease.

"The entire Steffy affair was far from my finest hour." In back of her mind, she kept a running tally of what topics she simply could not discuss and Steffy with Bill was on it, forget the Steffy and Liam affair. "I doubt it was hers either."

"Nobody came out of that smelling of roses. Love, lust, family loyalty—all of it will make you crazy if you let it."

"Is that what this feeling is? That explains everything about me."

"Not the best parts of you. That's just how you're artfully made."

"That's a line if I've ever heard one. You make it all sound real."

"I'll confess it's a line, that doesn't mean it's not real. The meaning's as real as you or me."

_Just sometimes, I wonder._ Katie touched his chest.

"I want to share all of this with you," she waved toward the building and the care where they sat. "My health, my odds, all of what I live with every day. But I don't think I'm there yet. There are things _I _haven't wrapped my head around yet, and I'm not quite ready to share it all with anyone."

"Okay."

"That doesn't mean I don't love you."

"That thought never crossed my mind." He caught her hand where it rested over his heart. "There's stuff I'm keeping close, too. That's not a lack of love. Sometimes, it's love that makes us hold more back. That's fine. That's yours. Someday, it'll be mine, too."

"I really do love you."

"I love you, too, _more than life itself_."

"Wait with me?"

"It would be my pleasure."

Katie exited the car first with Ridge right behind her. They walked into the doctor's office hand in hand, and that was the way they left two hours later.

**….**

After saying goodbye to Ridge, Katie picked up Will from the Spencer daycare center and headed home for another afternoon of quality time with her favorite boy. Something about a clean bill of health made her want to roll around on the playmat having tickle fights with her son.

Dinner was SpaghettiOs for the young sir and chicken carbonara, delivered from Bombay Osteria, for her. She and her baby boy toasted her good health with wine and apple juice, respectively, and then settled in for an early night of Baby Einstein and the Bloomberg Report. They were both dozing well before Will's scheduled bedtime.

Once Will was down for the count, Katie resigned to bed with a stack of articles Liam and Adele had messengered to the house covering the last two quarters of her tenure.

_'Progress or Pipedream? Is Spencer's New CEO Tackling Too Much Too F?'_

_In an economy rife with layoffs and cutbacks, industry insiders are asking whether Spencer Publications' new head is taking the right stance against falling profits. Reducing layoffs that cut wide swaths in the Spencer workforce to save families and reduce unemployment is enough to bring a tear to any American voter's eye, but is it enough to save a business in jeopardy that might not be were it in more ruthless hands? Say the hands of one Bill 'Dolla Bill' Spencer, Jr., the disgraced but not forgotten former CEO and heir to the Spencer empire._

_Experts say that Spencer must make a quick turnaround or risk a capital freefall from which the media conglomerate may not recover and not even a man called Dolla can fix. Are the experts right or are they just 'crying wolf'?_

_Only time, and the bottom line, will tell.'_

Katie swished her mouthful of Merlot. That was her third article so far. The previous two had focused on the public progress of her friendship with Ridge to the exclusion of her business interests, which was a problem, if not one she was overly concerned of. This heelturn was problematic.

Katie tossed back her sheets and made for the kitchen. She was going to need more wine.

_'Is this Feminism financially fatal?'_

_Babies in the workplaces. Playpen in the corner office. Is this the sort of example we want to set for working mothers to come? If you ask Katie Logan Spencer, the new reigning CEO of the Spencer Publications, the answer is 'hell yes.' Logan Spencer is doing her level best to have it all; the big chair, the baby, and the handsome new lover, but can she handle it?_

_Trusted insiders within the multimedia giant say no. Logan Spencer isn't suited for the brutal chore of taking the sickest of the Spencer herd to the woodshed to be put out of their misery—in the words of one source. _

_ Her predecessor and former husband Bill Spencer, Jr. is well-known for his no-nonsense approach to profiteering. This includes a relentless, unwritten policy of terminating longstanding employees just before their pensions are to be a paid and issuing ironclad employee contracts that preclude legal recourse in the event of allegations of wrongful termination. Though unpopular moves, these initiatives have kept Spencer Publications as the foremost earning in the publishing industry for the last decade. Until Katie Logan Spencer's appointment to the position._

_The addition of a fully-equipped childcare to the headquarters of Spencer Publication's Los Angeles branch has caused more than one raised eyebrow among her professional peers. Watercooler chatter seems to imply that Logan Spencer has bitten off more than she can chew between her young son, her impetuous beau, and questionable health status, and the proof is in the profit margin. Where other corporate working mothers of the industry should be rallying behind her, there's been an ominous silence, leading some to question whether Logan Spencer is being set up as a martyr to the cause of modern feminists the world over._

_Some women can do everything a man does backwards and in heels and some cannot. Which one is Katie?_

Katie tossed the entire pile onto the empty side of the bed. The gist of the media narrative was becoming clear to her. This was a takedown that hit where it hurt. She could acknowledge that she was spread thin. She didn't see as much of Will as she'd like. She didn't get as much time to sleep or to eat or to see Ridge and RJ as would have been ideal. Those were sacrifices she was willing to accept in exchange for doing a job that made her proud to go to work. Failing didn't make her feel proud, though that was all interpretation and those were all fouled up as evidenced by each of these thinly-veiled criticisms of her performance.

_I've done well. I've done the best I can. I'll make them see that, and if it's my last act as chief executive of this company, so be it._ Katie held back tears of frustration. She could bear failing; it was being cut off at the knees that got her. _It's never enough._

Sure that sleep would be impossible in this mood, Katie put in a call to the one person capable of easing her mind.

_It's still early._

The phone got off half a ring before he answered.

"Hi."

Ridge let out a voracious yawn.

"Hey."

"Are you at home?"

"Working late. How was your night in?"

"Therapeutic and then some."

Katie covered those articles with the unused pillow on the other side of the bed.

"I'm jealous," he sniffed, a chair creaking in the background.

She was reminded of how drawn he'd looked behind that flirtatious smile of his.

"You sound beat. How have you been sleeping?"

"Not as well as I'd be sleeping with you next to me."

Katie curled up with her pillow, wishing it were him. One of his hugs would have gone a long way to clearing the dark cloud hanging over her.

"Nice save. Answer the question."

"I'm not sleeping. There's no time. We're working around the clock to update HFTF for winter, and I've got my hands full prepping for awards season next year. That's not counting the Defiant line we've gotta get up and running for the buyers by next month."

Katie thought back to a wheedling text her niece had sent earlier in the day.

"You need to take care of yourself. Caroline told me about you nodding off in a meeting earlier this week. I thought you were sleeping okay."

"There aren't enough hours in the day. Now that I'm sharing the vice presidency with Brooke, I'm burning the midnight oil to keep her from blocking every other item on my agenda."

Katie remained of two minds about Ridge and Brooke working together. On the one hand, she was glad Ridge had fessed up about Eric's terms instead of hiding them for fear of her reaction. On the other, she might have slept a tad easier not knowing. The price of honesty was the truth, and tonight it was costing her sleep.

"Sounds like a day in my life at Spencer. If I'm not putting out fires with the department heads, I'm on the phone with our partners, or Will's nanny, or the Board, or Bill himself on a bad day. For someone who no longer works here, he has an opinion on everything."

"I respect that. That's how I feel about Forrester whenever Rick makes a decision I disagree with. You can hear my unsolicited opinions from the next county and I only have a 20% stake."

"Your green eyes are showing."

"I'm green all over, honey."

Katie hauled her wildly protesting waking mind from the gutter.

"You've gone and made me curious."

"Don't make me drive over there."

"You're too tired to drive and I'm wearing reindeer pajamas I got as a gag gift at Christmas. Can you handle that amount of sexy on so little sleep?"

"I'd be more than willing to give it try." His ensuing yawn was not as convincing. "Betrayed by my own body once again. I tell you, aging is hell."

"You've got wisdom in every grey hair."

"You mean like the ones you're covering up every three months?"

"Don't start. Those are _blonde_ roots. It's maintenance."

"Keeping telling yourself that. You're not that young compared to me."

Katie reflected balefully on fortieth birthday.

"I'm young at heart."

"I like how that sounds. Forget what my driver's license says. When I'm with you, I might as well be twenty-five."

"Love's funny like that."

"Love with you."

Katie hugged her pillow closer and wished once again he was beside her. She'd be wishing long into the night.

….

Katie's early night was a largely sleepless one. Even after Ridge had thrown in the towel, Katie had remained awake to pore over Liam's notes on twisted machinations throttling Spencer by the byline. All of the articles Liam cited indicated that the sources feeding copy to the press had inside knowledge. What wasn't clear was whether that knowledge was firsthand. Spencer employed more individuals directly and indirectly than populated some sovereign nations. Picking a spy out of a number that huge, not to mention far-flung, was akin to picking a needle out a haystack that had been scattered by a weed whacker. _This is assuming we're dealing with _one_ spy. We haven't begun to tackle a strategy for exposing multiple._ The odds of Bill employing only one mole were abysmal.

Katie ground her teeth in sleepless agitation when her office door opened to admit Donna the next morning. _The Brooke Amnesty parade continues._ She shoved her dossier of offending material to the side, quite sure Donna hadn't shown up to be the sounding board the youngest Logan sister needed.

"Unless you're here to take me to lunch and _not _talk about Ridge, we're not going to have much to say to each other."

"Brooke and Hope have said their piece, right?"

"Oh, they said their respective pieces and then some. Never let it be said the Logan woman lack lung capacity."

Donna's mouth twitched. She seemed to like Katie best at her cattiest. _At my most Brooke._

"Something has to change. This can't go on."

Katie strived for equanimity.

"Answer me this: Did you rake Brooke over the coals like this when the subject was Bill and I was half out of my mind afraid of losing him?"

Donna exhaled sharply.

"Brooke said she knew what she was doing. I took her word for it."

"And Brooke's feelings are the ones that matter. Not me. Forget about Will and my marriage. Brooke had decided she wanted something—to hell with anybody who got between her and her _heart's_ desire." Katie hummed in lieu of laughing. "Her heart. Witty euphemism for our sister's man-eating libido."

"You stood by her when it was other people."

"You're right," Katie had to concede. "I have carried the Logan standard all my life long. Say I'm a liar and a hypocrite. Say I can dish it and not take it. Get it off your chest. I'm willing to listen to whatever you have to say to me."

"Sisters don't do this to each other."

Donna's unconsciously wagging finger was peculiarly galling.

"This family does it to each other _constantly_. Why am I the exception? Why am I conniving when Brooke's just _misguided_?"

"You're the upstanding one. You've always tried to do the right thing."

_Once again, lobbed as a weapon against me._

"What makes this one thing so wrong?"

"Brooke has loved Ridge her whole life."

"Brooke has loved Ridge between detours and distractions, one of which was my husband. That was the man I expected to be loving and loved by at this point in my life. Bill is far from perfect, but I was confident that he was at least just mine. Brooke couldn't be satisfied with that. She had to have him, too."

"She didn't want to hurt you." Katie stared her sister down until Donna began to shift on her feet. Donna exhaled slowly. "Revenge is destructive, Katie. Getting back at her doesn't ease the hurt, it just prolongs it."

"Nothing was easing it—except for him. I was angry. I was humiliated. I was hurt deep, deep down."

"You really think this will fix it?"

Katie ignored her.

"Worse than all that is that I was so down on myself that it took me months to notice how Ridge looks at me. He doesn't look at me like I'm as unworthy as Brooke and Bill and every one of you who has told me to 'just let it go' has made me feel. He doesn't see a pale imitation of my sisters. Six months of lunch dates, flower arrangements, family outings; him holding my hand and drying my tears, _confiding in me and no one else_, and I was so wrapped up in my misery I almost let him slip away. What for? He doesn't want her."

"He's said that before. He cannot keep his word."

"Oh, please, Donna. Nobody in this town keeps their word! There have been long periods of time when they weren't together. Remind Brooke about Taylor and the family she and Ridge raised together. Remind her about Caroline and Ashley. Ridge has loved other women."

"Ridge has loved Brooke for most of her adult life. Are you prepared to fight her off? You know how she can be when she's following her heart."

Katie propped her chin on her hand.

"You pretend to be neutral when it comes to me and Brooke, but you always pick a side, ultimately, and it's never mine. Let's skip to the part where you tell me I'm tearing our family apart and leave it at that. I have a schedule to keep."

"I love you both. You're both my sisters. I don't want Ridge to come between us."

"Brooke did that. She destroyed our sisterhood. This is me moving on."

"You're kidding if you think there isn't any way to do this without destroying Brooke."

"I don't lie awake at night plotting to break Brooke's heart like she broke mine. I lie awake and think about Will. I think about what I'm going to tell him about why his daddy isn't home with us when he's old enough to ask. I think about how I'm going to juggle a fussy toddler entering his terrible twos with a conference I have to attend in Beijing in four months. My life is not about her. It's bigger and vaster than she can imagine, or you, apparently.

"Doing what makes Brooke happy and me miserable is not keeping the peace. That's maintaining the status quo. I refuse to do it. Do it without me."

"I'm just trying to hold it all together."

"You don't have to. That's not your place. Stop playing hall monitor and live your life. Get Eric back, see Marcus and your granddaughter more than once a month. We're not teenagers anymore, we don't need a mediator."

"Somebody has to make the two of you see sense. Look what we have to lose."

"You know, when things with Bill are _really_ bad, I replay the last two years of my life, picking apart my every mistake, wishing I could have done just the right thing to keep my husband from sniffing after my sister like a dog in heat. I hate that I didn't fight harder to save my family from her—but I didn't know I had to fight and I was too sick, which evidently wasn't reason enough to win. That's not a mistake I'm going to make with Ridge. He and RJ and Will are my family. Brooke cannot take that."

"RJ is her son. You can't keep them apart. You'd flip if anybody to stop you from seeing Will."

"You're right, I would. I wouldn't do that to Brooke. I _couldn't_ do that to Brooke. I'm not crazy, Donna," Katie sighed at her sister's expression. She was never allowed so much as a slip of the tongue in Brooke's world.

"Nobody would know that from how you're behaving. You need to grow up. This is not a game, these are people's lives!"

Katie slammed her hand on her desk hard enough to topple her favorite framed picture of Will.

"Let's get something straight. _You don't get to talk down to me_. I am not a child any longer. RJ is my nephew, he will always have a place with me so long as Ridge permits it. Brooke will not interfere with that. I will also not allow her to interfere with Bill and Will's relationship. Furthermore, she will _not_ interfere in my relationship with Ridge."

"She's over Ridge."

"Sell it to somebody who hasn't been here. You and Hope can't seem to tell if you're coming or going any better than Brooke can. Today, she's over him. Tomorrow, I can't listen to my voicemail for all the messages she's leaving about this 'mistake' I'm making." Katie scoffed. "Save it."

"This is a mistake. She's right about that."

"You know what, maybe it is." Katie shrugged, unruffled as can be. "This is our mistake to make. I don't know where we're headed, but I am committed to seeing this through and so is he. Furthermore, we are committed to protecting our family from anyone we deem to be a threat to our happiness. Take that back to big sis and see what she has to say about it. _You and Brooke don't take me seriously, Donna, but you should. _I told Hope and I'm telling you: I'll fight her this time and I'll win."


End file.
